Excuses, Excuses

Recently I discovered that I have a serious condition that I need to find the cure for. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of this, and I'm sure it's not that rare, but it's some sort of ailment that causes me to make excuses. Excusititis maybe? And while I've noticed its symptoms for awhile now, I came to my full-blown diagnosis this past week. Because the thing is, we had about a foot of snow on the ground (which is A LOT around here!) and literally could not leave our house and therefore had absolutely nothing on our schedule, and my brain kept telling me things like this:

• I should probably start posting on my blog again, but I don't have time. I mean, I have to watch the latest episode of Nashville.
• Sure, I bought those apples to snack on, but it's cold and I need comfort food. What's one more cookie anyway?
• The kids are eating a bowl of ice cream so why shouldn't I? I'll eat healthy when it's not a snow day.
• I am at least wearing my workout clothes and I pulled up the video on YouTube, so that counts for something, right? I mean, once I stopped to go help my child find his sock, it was much too inconvenient to finish that video. Surely 6 minutes was enough anyway.
• We can't go anywhere this week so I literally have ALL DAY to find a chance to do my daily Bible reading. 
• I could set my alarm and get up before the kids to get things done, but it's not like I have to be anywhere. Neither do they. We'll just catch up on sleep this week.
• Why should I watch what I eat?... I mean, I am 26 weeks pregnant (and have already gained almost as much weight as I did with Jake in my entire pregnancy!)
• Yes, children, I could play with you, but let me just finish scrolling my Instagram feed. Someone might have posted a new picture in the last seven minutes.

The list goes on and on. If anything, this past week should have been filled with all kinds of productivity! For the amount of time that I spent on Facebook, I probably could have written an actual book! And when I look back on the past seven days, I literally could not tell you a single accomplishment. Not one. We ate A LOT of frozen pizza (among other junk), so I can't even pat myself on the back for getting a home-cooked meal on the table. And I probably broke some sort of record for sitting the couch. To be honest, I'm a little appalled at myself.

But here's the thing that I think we all forget sometimes. This pattern that I've let myself get into, it's just a series of choices. And to clarify, it's a series of making the easy choices, rather than the fruitful ones. Because even though it's the easy choice at the time (like choosing a movie over an exercise video), they are not the choices that make me feel good or benefit me in the long-run. One week later and I feel lazier, more sluggish, definitely heavier, and my brain is crying out for some sort of intelligent activity! Once I slack off in one area, it's so much easier to slack off in others! At the end of this week I should have looked back and seen that I am all caught up on my Bible-in-a-year plan. I should have blogged everyday. My house should sparkle. The numbers on my scale should have at least stayed put if not gone down. I should be exhausted from all of the intentional time I spent with my kiddos. 

But those choices are harder... because they take work. But the older I get, the more I realize that the work is what makes it all worthwhile. It's what makes me a happier, healthier version of myself. It's what motivates me to do even better the next day. It's the most rewarding part of my life.

I'm not sure what inspired me to throw this out here on the good ol' blog, but I felt that I needed to make a confession, to get it out there, and maybe give myself a little accountability. I want to finish strong. I want to make each day count, and I definitely want to reap the rewards of making the hard choices. My husband often advises me to ask the question, "what do I want vs. what do I want right now?" Right now I want to go watch a movie in bed. But in life I want to be wiser, filled with God's Word, a woman of worth, someone who can counsel others and lead my children well. I want to be a healthy and fit, so that I can be here for a long time. I want to hear from God, but in order to do that I need to be talking to Him and pursuing Him on a regular basis. I want to be a spiritual partner for my husband, so that I can better encourage and support Him. Focusing on this list is the only thing that will cure me. So right now, to be honest, I really want a bowl of ice cream and to curl up in my bed with Netflix on the iPad, but I think I'll start tonight by choosing a cup of tea and by Bible. One choice at a time, one day at a time, choosing what I want in the long-run... I think I might just be able to kick this after all.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." [Galatians 6:9]

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." [Hebrews 12:11]

The Divine Root Canal - Part I

Yes, you read that right… I just used the words "divine" and "root canal" in the same sentence. This morning, I spent two and a half hours laying on my back and getting my tooth drilled to bits, and it was, in a word, divine. Well, mostly. It took a few painful pricks to get the novocaine level correct, but once that was under control it actually turned out to be a rather good experience. Aside from my jaw being cranked open (from which I am still sore) and some sounds that made the hair on my arms stand on end, I actually rather enjoyed the experience.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I had a fair amount of nitrous oxide running through my nose? Yeah, that helped. In fact, I don't think I have been that relaxed since becoming a mom… massages are great but certainly do not relax a person to that level! I had my earphones in, and worship music playing at full blast. Sure, I felt the pressure and rooting around going on in my mouth, but I closed by eyes and let my body sink into that chair… and then I just… prayed.

I think I have always been a bit of an unconventional pray-er. Like most people, I pray before meals and I pray before bed (often falling asleep in the middle), but my really good prayers are usually when I'm driving down the road, talking out loud to God as if He was in the car, or running down the road, praising Him for giving me a body that can move that way. I love to swim laps, simply because the stillness under the water takes the distractions of the world away and I feel like I can hear myself think and form my thoughts into prayer. And when my babies were newborns, it was during those wee hours of the morning when I was doing night-feeds, sleep-deprived and weary. It's these moments when I can find a little bit of isolation, quiet, peace, and stillness, that don't come around often now that I have two rambunctious children under three… and today, with the help of something very unconventional, I found my quiet, prayed a lot, and felt His presence and goodness wash over me… all during a root canal!

I think there are certain moments of clarity in a person's life, when the things that they have been internally debating get definitive answers. I can't really explain it, but today I felt it, and it's been awhile. And oddly enough, it was very much all related to this blog. Maybe you've noticed and maybe you don't care, but since last spring I haven't really posted all that much. In fact, I haven't even wanted to, and I think it's because I lost my way as to what I wanted to blog about. What started out as a blog that was primarily about the everyday going-on's of our family was slowly morphing into one that was more ministry-related. And without letting anyone know, I spent a lot of my time worrying about whether that was okay, whether people who read it would stop reading it, whether anything I wrote was any good, but mainly, whether or not I was qualified to put anything related to the Bible out on the Internet. My husband is a preacher, and a darn good one at that, and so I felt that maybe I should leave it to him. I mean, he spends far more time in the Word (as well as countless other books and references) than I do, and if I can't keep up with that pace, then quite frankly I probably shouldn't attempt to minister to anyone at all. Besides, there are thousands of wonderful blogs out there spreading God's word, so why should I bother? These bloggers are all far smarter than me, far more educated in theology, and far more consistent… I am just not cut out to be heading in that direction.

But today as I embedded myself within my cranked-up worship tunes, I was reminded of that old phrase that God does not call the equipped, but He equips the called. I distinctly realized that when my husband was called into ministry, so was I, whether I thought I was ready for it or not! Because of his position, people would be looking to me for spiritual guidance, even though I am not a Bible scholar! In fact, once I made that jump and called myself a Christian, it actually became my responsibility to spread the news of His great love, not keep it to myself! And if you're in that boat, it's actually your calling, too- "equipped" or not! 

And so it was decided… this blog will probably continue to move in that direction, having a heavier ministry focus than I ever intended, but that's just what feels right. And I'm going to stop putting so much unnecessary pressure on myself… if I post once a month or once a day, what does it matter? I just think it's important to write when something is on my heart and I feel I have something worthwhile to share (which has happened a lot lately, but yet I continued to avoid sitting down to write). I do intend to post about the kids and some fun things we do here and there, but I don't think I can avoid this responsibility any longer, and I cannot be afraid of what others think. If people stop reading, so be it. If people think I've become a "religious nut," oh well. Right now in my life I am surrounded by so many people who are hurting, so many who need prayer, so many who have struggles that are too enormous for me to even wrap my brain around, and I realize that worrying about what others think in order to keep this all to myself seems trivial and petty. I love Jesus. I love people. I love seeing the life change and blessings that I have witnessed when a person gets into a right relationship with the Creator. So if that makes me some sort of nut, I'm just going to have to be okay with it.

I guess I just wanted to give my usual (seven or so) readers some sort of fair warning that this chick is going down this road. I've decided that I'm ready to put myself out there, risking any negative feedback that may come with it. Because in the end, I think it's worth it.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest… call it free therapy if you will. And please know that I do not condone the use of laughing gas to enhance one's prayer life (or any other part of life for that matter)… it just happened to help me today under the circumstances. And seriously, I definitely do not want to try to have a root canal without it! Based on how sore my jaw is, I can only imagine what went on in there! I have a few more thoughts to share later from this dental experience, hence why this is titled "Part I," but I think this is enough crazy insight for one day. Who would have ever thought that all this (and more) could come from a root canal!?!? God really can use anything for His glory!

How does she do it?

Happy Thursday! Sorry for my recent blog hiatus... I think this gal has needed a little break to get her priorities straight and I'm not going to lie- I needed a little breather. Sometimes I stress about how often I post, what to post, if anyone ever reads it, who is following me, etc., and then I forget that I started this blog for fun. So taking a step back to recenter my focus and remember what this outlet truly is for me is sometimes necessary. And like all most things, absence makes the heart grow fonder so my fingers were itching to type today!

 

Recently I've had more than one person ask me how I "do it all." On the surface I guess it may appear that way... I have a husband, two kids (who are both home with me a lot of the time aside from Jake's school schedule and scheduled trips to hang with grandparents during the week), a full-time job (from home), a house to keep, and all kinds of adventures with our growing church plant. On some weeks we're out doing stuff almost every night for the church- Sunday is our iConnect (membership) program, Mondays are usually free, Tuesdays I sometimes have MOMSource, Wednesdays are leadership and/or elder meetings, Thursday is our connect group, and finally the weekend rolls around and we have plans with friends or family, and sometimes just veg here with the kiddos, soaking in some quality time. We get invited over to have dinner with countless families (thank you by the way... we always enjoy getting to know our church family better!), and often have people over here, whether it be a new family that we want to connect with more, or friends that we don't see as often now that the church is growing so fast (what a great problem, right?). It seems like a lot, and sometimes it is, but I think it's first important to know that I, like everyone else, do not actually do it all. I will say, however, that the more I put on my plate and the busier we get, the more I realize that I can do- if and only if, those priorities are straight. Here are some things in my life that help keep it all in perspective:

• People often say, "God won't give you more than you can handle." While I think that's true, I also think it's our responsibility to handle what God has given us well. We are all only given so much time and I've realized that we can either do a few things well, or a lot of things halfway. About three months ago I turned our kids' ministry over to a family who moved here for that purpose and it was so freeing! Becuase I had more on my plate than I could handle, I was not running the program with excellence and was instead stressing out all of the time and running around like a chicken with my head cut off on Sunday mornings. Sometimes it's hard to give up control and not be in charge, but remember that God has gifted others around you who can do it just as well, if not better, than you.

• Realize that some things come first. When working at home, it's easy to get distracted. I found that when my kids were here and awake, I would get so frustrated because they continually acted out when I was trying to get something done. My kids are young, so they do not just play alone in there rooms. My frustration was that they were not acting within my schedule, and so I could never sufficiently do my job, and then one day it became clear that their needs come first. When my kids are here and awake, even during my "working hours," I walk away from my computer and focus on them. Jake loves when I get on the floor and play with him, and I have to make a concious effort to do that, especially during my work day. I will still answer the phone if it rings, and it often means staying up late after they go to bed to wrap up some things, but my kids are happier and I am less frustrated, and my work is still getting done. It's a win-win-win. Plus, I don't want to look back on these years and realize that I wish I had played with them more. Kids don't ever seem to nap when you "need" them to.

• Take a long, hard look at how you spend your time. At the end of the day do you complain that you did not have time to clean your house, but you spent two hours on Facebook, blogs, and catching up on shows? I'm not saying you have to give those things up, but they do burn time quickly without you realizing it. Every January I fast (give up) TV for 21 days and use that time instead to read, play with the kids, talk to my husband, etc. And every year I realize how little I miss those programs. And every year I care less about and watch less TV, and if I do watch something, it's usually while I fold laundry or clean the kitchen. As for Facebook and blogs, I think they're fun, too, but I've found that setting a timer is essential. Fifteen minutes goes by in the blink of an eye and I don't need much more time than that to stay connected.

• Don't waste a step! On your way to the kitchen to get a snack, pick up the toys in your living room or bring that laundry basket up the stairs. Sometimes I do this so much that I don't even remember what my original mission was! Use your time wisely and pick things that are productive!

• Ask for help! I'm terrible at this and always working to get better. I come from a long line of poor communicators (sorry, but it's true... myself included!) and sometimes I'd rather assume that Josh knows what I need and then get mad that he didn't read my mind rather than just ask him the in the first place. Never once has he said "no" when I've asked him to rearrange his schedule so I can meet a deadline or take out the garbage because I hate to do it. It's a much better outcome when I ask on the front-side rather than get frustrated after the fact, for something that could have been avoided.

• Learn to say "no." If we committed to everything we were asked to do, we'd never see each other let alone our kids! Sometimes, even if it's something fun that I really, really want to do, it's just not in the best interest of our family or for what we get done that week. And when I feel like I really missed out, the feeling usually only lasts a day or so and then I forget about it.

• Find "you" time. Sadly for me, that's only ever found either late at night or early in the morning, so it's accompanied by large doses of coffee. But in order to spend any quiet time in the Word, or just catch up on blogging, reading, working out (which I've neglected to do over these past few months altogether), etc., I have to sacrifice a little bit of sleep to fit that stuff in. It's always worth it, even when getting out of bed is really hard.

• Lastly, keep in mind that nobody "does it all." If anyone is putting pressure on you, it's probably YOU! Try to stay away from comparing yourself to other moms, bloggers, etc. and just do the best you can with the time that you've been given. And no matter what, remember to use some of that time to just serve, love, and encourage others. A short text message to a friend going through a difficult situation only takes two minutes (if you're a slow texter like me) but can turn that friend's day around complete.

And just so you know, this post was written over a span of three hours, with many, many interruptions from two of the cutest kids I know!

What advice do you have to be a woman (or man, although I doubt any men aside from my husband and dad read this) who "does doesn't do it all"??

Another Monday

Oh weekend, where have you gone? I really do not understand how the work week can creep by so slowly and then I blink and the weekend is over. Granted, we don't really "take it easy" over our weekends at this point in our lives, but hopefully someday that will change. Right now Josh's work schedule has him taking a day off on Friday and an occassional half of a Monday and I work a regular 40-hour 9-5 job. So, needless to say, we don't really have any time off together. And on Fridays he is watching the kiddos, which isn't exactly a walk in the park, and on Saturday and Sunday I have them mostly to myself and am serving at the church for at least two services. Phew, it's a lot. As much as I would love to join the ranks of the stay-at-home-moms in the world, I just don't see it happening any time soon. I know the grass is always greener, but if you currently are a stay-at-home-mom and wonder if your life would somehow be better if you were in the working world, just know that you are lucky to have what you have. Plus, your job is the most important one on the planet- never forget that. Which brings me to the recap of this week's message at TurningPoint Church (which can be viewed here or you can dowload the Podcast on iTunes now... look how fancy we've gotten!).  This week was all about a four-letter word: W-O-R-K.

 

If you are part of the majority, chances are you are dissatisfied with what you do for a living. Roughly 80% when surveyed fall into this category. Then take into account that you will spend the majority of your life at work, and, well, that is just a depressing life, isn't it? After I listened back to this message I really thought about the different jobs that I have had and my level of satisfaction. In my first "real" job post-college, I worked as a tournament and catering coordinator at a golf club. I worked every weekend, which is a total bummer when you're in your early twenties. I also felt a bit too smart for what I did, but I loved my boss and the majority of the things that I did, so it worked for awhile. I applied twice for my second "real" job, and finally got an interview and even though I was probably underqualified, they hired me. For a little under a year I worked for the FedEx Orange Bowl as an event coordinator, which basically meant that you worked hard (and I mean hard) all year in order to pull off one week and one football game. Crazy, right? My main projects were a fan festival with a $200,000 budget to work with and planning and executing a trip to the Bahamas for all of the ACC coaches, athletic directors, and staff. Plus, I had game-day duties that put me on the field at the Orange Bowl. Sounds perfect, right? To be honest, this was my dream job, but... not my dream work environment. Our staff literally stayed until midnight or later from October thru December almost every night, not because there was that much work to do, but more so because our CEO did and nobody felt like they could leave before the boss. It was almost like a contest to see who could hold out the longest and some nights I'd have nothing left to do and would spend those after-hours returning personal emails or even playing Solitaire. Work was life, and time off was spent sleeping- it was absolutely nuts! So, when my current job came knocking, I knew I'd be giving up my dream career, but I traded it for a company culture that I loved, steady hours, and weekends and evenings home which would allow me to eventually have a family. I became a sales manager for a golf resort working for a woman who I love and admire so very much.  And even though we've since moved away from the city where it is located, I have been allowed to do the same duties from home, being a telecommuter... perfect, right? But, well, I have to be honest and tell you that it's lonely sometimes having no co-workers that you physically see everyday. I miss them terribly and emails and phone calls are not the same. Plus, my office is at home, so I never actually "leave" work and can't turn it off. I feel guilty if Jake and Lilly are here and I cannot go downstairs and play with them, and I never fully feel like I'm giving 100% to anything since my life is one big multi-task. While the job and situation is perfect for our family and I am so very thankful to be doing what I do, it has it's downsides just like the others.

So my point is this... there is no perfect job out there. Period. My husband does his dream-job now that we've launched our church, but that doesn't mean it's perfect everyday. There are weeks that are so crazy for him that he rarely sees his family and feels guilty that he's not home. And when he's home he's guilty that he's not at work, since his work is for the good of the Kingdom. Celebrities seem to have it all, but have you seen the divorce rate in Hollywood? That career might get you money and fame, but it sure doesn't seem to do a lot for your home life! Teachers don't get paid enough, doctors deal with a lot of stress, soldiers put their lives in danger... the list goes on and on. So what I'm saying is, if you dislike your job right now, chances are getting another one won't be the answer. The only real answer is to be thankful for the one you have, particularly in this economy, and then change your attitude toward your job.

 

Remember when you started dating and you would make a "pro" and "con" list about your potential new boyfriend or girlfriend? Oh c'mon, you know what I'm talking about! Well, if you're unhappy with your current job, I would challenge you this week to just make a "pro" list and throw out the "con" list. In fact, make that list and then post it above your desk where you can see it everyday. Then the second thing you need to do is figure out what your passion is and pursue it outside of your current job! For me, I love to write... hence this blog! I also love to run, so when time allows, I pursue some personal goals in that world as well. Find purpose in your local church by serving in the kids' ministry or making people feel welcome by becoming a greeter. If we can find personal purpose, fulfillment, and worth outside of our career, chances are we're going to be happier in all facets of life and that satisfaction will trickle over into the other areas. Perhaps you'll even be that person who has a great attitude on a Monday, making everyone wonder exactly what makes them so positive. And hte more positive you are, the more bearable your job will be... trust me. In fact, that goes for all areas of life, so I just dare you to try it!

 

And lastly, when you feel discouraged or underappreciated, remember that your ultimate boss is not one that does your annual review. Hard work is so very valued in God's eyes, and He put us here so that we can contribute in whatever industry we find ourselves in. Always work to please Him and chances are you will please everyone around you as well. I am just like everyone else and have my bad days, too, so my office is set up so this is what i look up and see above my desk, just as a small reminder that He is proud of my hard work, even on the days that I don't feel like it matters.

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you

know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

~1 Corinthians 15:58

I hope this makes Monday a little more bearable.  Make this week matter!

11 Questions

I'm not sure how I missed it, but a week or two back my friend Jan tagged me for one of these blog questionnaire things. It's actually pretty convenient that I came across it today because I have been trying to figure out what my next post would be... so here goes!

 

1. Describe one event in your life that was life-changing.

 

This might be pretty obvious, but meeting my now-husband was the biggest turning point in my life. He put up a lot from me, but has really helped pave the way for who I am today. Before I met him I lived for me and my happiness only. I thought I was in a right relationship with God, but my actions Monday thru Saturday were not showing any evidence of it, and my idea of being a Christian was just going to church every Sunday. Or most Sundays. Okay, okay... some Sundays on occasion. We actually butted heads quite a bit over a lot of things, but it was only because he has helped me to grow so much, in my faith and just in general. I'm still a work in progress, but thanks to his help, persistence, and forgiving ways I now live to put others before myself and try to make decisions that are for the better good of this world rather than just for me. I see everything through a different lens now and filter my decisions through my faith rather than my selfish desires. Plus, the changes that came after meeting him (engagement, marriage, two babies, three moves, two church plants, and much more!) have provided us with the time of our lives!

2. If you could choose one animal and one animal only for a pet, what would it be? 

 

There was a time when I would have said a horse, but now that I'm older I realize that the best kind of horse is the one that someone else owns and lets you ride on occasion. So I'd just have to go with the good ol' fashioned family dog- it's man's best friend afterall.

3. Name someone that inspires you and explain why.

 

I have so many these days that it would be difficult to pick just one. Currently it would probably be Christine Caine- an evangelist from Australia who is not only a dynamic speaker and teacher, but also the founder of the A21 Campaign, which is an organization with a mission to abolish human trafficking in the 21st century. I am just amazed that this woman speaks at conferences all over the world, manages this huge organization and is even in the trenches at times, and still manages to keep her husband and two daughters in the balance. I have had the privilege of meeting her once and truly hope our paths cross again in the future. If you've never heard of her, go buy one of her books, visit her ministry blog, or download one of her podcasts... like right now! Oh yeah, she's a workout junkie, too, which pretty much smashes my "I don't have time" excuse to pieces!

4. How would your life change if you suddenly became a millionaire?

 

Oh geez... it would definitely get crazier if anything! Sure, I'd invest some, pay off debt, etc., but then I'm pretty sure my family and I would just spend time going into the mission field or adopting enough kids to start an orphanage. Long gone are the days that I would just spend it on "stuff" (although I'm sure I'd purchase something pretty here and there).

5. How many toenails have you lost/had turn black from running? (I had to do it)

 

Oddly mine don't turn black... but I have had about 2 fall off. It's usually my second toe although after I did the Goofy Challenge (a back-to-back half marathon and marathon) I lost about half of my big toe. I did not know it was possible, but a lady at the nail salon I (rarely) went to was able to put a fake one on it somehow until it grew out. Granted, we lived in Florida at the time and so it was flip-flop season year round. I don't think it would matter quite as much living here.

6. How many hours of sleep a night do you need to function like a normal person?

 

As much as I can get- seriously. I wish it were less, but I need at least eight. I'm in the process of trying to train my body to need less... we'll see how it goes.

7. Finish this sentence with something you’ve actually done: “I never thought I’d _____.”

 

"Marry a pastor." I actually say that all the time. In the past year I've also added "live in Kentucky." Never say never... God usually has other (better) plans for you.

8. Which T.V. or movie family would you love to be a part of?

 

I LOVE the movie "The Family Stone," but oddly enough, I am a part of a family just like that already. I honestly think they wrote that movie about Josh's family and holidays with them are loud, crazy, and full of surprises. I really love any movie or show with big families like that... who knows, maybe we'll have one of our own someday. Or maybe we'll just be a family of four. Only time will tell.

9. If you had 24 hours 100% to yourself, what would you do?

 

My first instinct would be to say "sleep", but I honestly think I'd go for a long run, soak in a hot tub, and then spend the rest of the day writing and working on photo books- boring I know, but they are the things I put off for "later" when real life calls.

10. What is your first memory of loving to run? (assuming that’s happened haha)

 

I fell in love with running during my freshman year of high school. The track coach asked a few girls from the dance team to try hurdling, since it's a lot like leaping I guess? I didn't end up being the choice hurdler on the track team, but I did learn that I had great speed for middle distances- like the 400 and the 800 meters. Our 4x4 relay team took fourth in the state that year and I was hooked. Then we moved to a high school with no track team so distance running became more of a hobby and a way to clear my mind. Now it's just alone-time away from my kids and the piles of laundry and that makes it absolutely blissful.

11. Which elite runner would you love to have as a training buddy if you were at that level?

 

Oh goodness, I have no idea! What I will say is that I love having a training partner and think it makes a world of difference. In my case, however, I have always been the stronger runner and would love to just train with someone who would really push my limits to the max. I think it would be difficult for me to be in that position because I absolutely love being the coach and encourager, but I'd love to see what I could do if put to the test.

 

***

 

So that's it I guess.  I'm absolutely honored that Jan would think of my blog as one that inspires her, especially since I think the same about hers... it's Running on Fumes and it's awesome if you've never checked it out.  I'm actually not going to continue the trend and tag anyone because I did something similar a few months back and you can check out my questions and tagged bloggers here (if you're really bored and want some heavy reading).

 

Have a happy Tuesday everyone! I know that I did not get a topic up this week, but bear with me as September is an absolutely crazy month... for everyone I'm sure! I'm hoping to be more consistent with it again later in the fall but for now my Reflections posts will be on hold aside from a random one here and there based on what I'm currently studying. I just want to take a break and enjoy what I'm reading and studying again rather than feeling like I'm doing homework, and hopefully some inspiration for future topics will come from it!  Cool?  I hope so!

This and that...

It's finally Friday! I feel like this week went on forever! And although I'm halfway through about three thought-out and pertinent posts, I don't have enough brain cells left to finish them.  So after the week that it's been my Friday post is going to be a bit random... so here is what's going on with us these days:

Week one of my "fresh start" has been a major success! I was up at 6am on Monday thru Wednesday (and "slept in" until 6:15am on Thursday by accident) and spent close to an hour each morning reading through Romans. Let me just say, when you put the time in, God really does speak to you and laid out exactly what I needed to hear each morning. It's the confirmation I need to keep up until this becomes a routine.

We had a sweet high school gal from our church over for dinner on Monday night and I just loved getting to know her better. She's asked me to be her mentor and I am beyond honored. But now that's made me realize that I should get one, too! I think everyone needs one... someone who has been where you've been and is where you want to go. Josh says that any mentor worth a dollar won't have time to do it, so I have one in mind and just have to muster up the courage to ask.

Other moms: you know how you don't really shed during pregnancy and then you go through a weird hair-falling-out phase about 4 or 5 months after giving birth? Well, I had remembered that, but forgot about the annoying hair-growing-back (again) phase that completes the cycle. I cannot do anything with these annoying baby hairs... does anyone else have this problem?  And no, I don't actually keep them slicked down like this, but they are hard to make blend in!  (and no, I can't believe I posted this)

Lilly has decided to start biting me (and only me) as a sign of affection (maybe?). How does one go about getting an 11-month-old to stop biting? And no, I have no desire to bite her back.

Speaking of Lilly, her favorite word for the past month has been "What?" (or more accurately "wwwwwwhhhhhhha-T" with an emphasis on the T sound). I have tried for a solid month to get it on video and she plays coy every time I pull out the camera. Such is life.

Jake has started a new obsession with the movie "The Incredibles" and asks to watch it 24/7. We are minorly convinced that he seriously thinks that he is Dash and runs around the house at top speed every time his character is on screen. It's actually a very appropriate comparison.

I am aware that I never posted about Jake's preschool experience... (1) because he refuses to stand still for a photo and I could not get a first-day-of-school picture like other moms do and (2) because so far he has a love/hate relationship with it. Day one was awesome, day two he realized that I was going to leave him and flipped out, day three was by far the worst and he clung to me like I was dropping him off at prison, and day four he marched in there like it was no big deal until he stepped foot in his classroom.  His teachers tell me that he only cries for 10 minutes (aside from the hour he cried on day two), but it still breaks this mama's heart. I know he's still adjusting, so I'm just trying to be patient with him. In other preschool news, his teachers sent home a list of all of the songs they are learning and I do not know a single one. Nope, not one. I'm not sure I'm going to be much help.

The closest thing I have to a "first day of preschool" picture.  Sigh.

 We rearranged our living room which made a world of difference in how much space we have and I love it! The only downside is that the paint color that I liked with the old arrangement now looks blah with our new arrangement (weird I know). So now I'm deciding if I can just live with it and get over it or if I want to go through the hassle of repainting. Also wondering what our landlord would think if I told him that I'm painting yet again in less than a year. Decisiveness is not my strong suit. And yes, I am aware that these are crummy iPhone pictures with really bad lighting and my living room is not in picture-perfect condition. For those of you who are new, I feel like it's my calling to post pictures of my home in "real life" rather than the beautiful ones when it's cleaned up, which I still do on occassion. It's like a ministry for other people like me who have good intentions, but also have multiple tornadoes coming through on a daily basis and messing up your hard work.  The "before" pictures are on top.

Something NEEDS to happen above the couch.  B-O-R-I-N-G.

The pictures don't do it justice, but the room feels SO much bigger and opened up... with more seating!

Not sure what's up with the color on the "after" picture... picture 1 is more accurate.
And yes, The Incredibles is on the TV! 

My husband and I are solely paying for the Redbox movie rental in our area. In the past three weeks we have racked up quite a bill on only three movies. We always think that watching a movie together sounds like a great idea, and then we're both too exhausted to ever start, thus the movie sitting on our mantle or coffee table for weeks on end (look closely at the above picture for proof). We need an intervention.

Okay, I think that's enough random rambling for today. Chances are that I won't get around to posting again until Tuesday since Sunday night will be a late one watching my husband become an IronMan! I'm so proud of him already for all of the time he has put in to prepare for this race!

Any big plans for your weekend? 

Dear Pinterest,

Let me just start by saying that I think you offer a really neat concept... I really do.  I mean, how else would I ever know how unorganized I am or what to do with all of the mason jars I have stored in my pantry?  And even though I think you're great for some people, I just want you to know that you and I will never have a relationship.  It's not you, it's me....

Some people, well, are just born with the gift of craftiness.  Me?  Not so much.  Because of you and all of the fantastic craft ideas you offer, I have more scrapbook paper and acrylic paint that I know what to with, but even more half-finished DIY projects that all look like they were done by a kindergartner.  My mother-in-law may never receive the semi-completed and already very late Mother's Day gift I have been working on due to the fact that I am too frustrated to even finish it.  And while all of these ideas are beautiful and look simple enough on your online pin-boards...

I, for one, just lack the skills required to pull off such things.  In fact, I'm too embarrassed to even post pictures of what I've attempted (much less completed) for fear that my crafty friends may judge me.  Plus, there is a 99% chance that if I attempt a craft involving glue, paint, or sequins, I could find my 9-month-old covered in said materials due to a mischievous 2-year-old who lives here.  You can do better than me... we were just not meant to be.

Also, before you came along, I was perfectly happy with the way the inside of my pantry and bathroom cabinets looked.  Putting my things on the provided shelves seems pretty logical and organized, but then I see things like this and feel, well, inadequate.  Lining my shelves with wallpaper?  Wow... that takes some time and money that I simply do not have!  It's beautiful, yes, but how many people actually even see the inside of my pantry?  Should I be including this on the tour of my home?  Did I miss a memo?

Not to mention the pictures upon pictures of homes that I will never be able to afford.  Do I want my laundry room to look like a place I need to wear a dress and heels to enter?  Sure I do.  Sorta.  Or do I?  See?  I don't even know what I want anymore thanks to you.  I never knew I needed frosted French doors on my closet or striped walls in my mudroom or floor-to-cieling windows in my master bedroom, so thank you for bringing that to my attention.  Last I checked my dream home was the one I was living in, because my family is here inside of it, but apparently my decor is not quite up to par.  And clearly spending hours online finding pictures of said dream home to pin is a means to get me there.  What?  It's not a pay-per-pin thing?  Oh.  Well now I'm just confused.

Lastly, while I find your clever ideas on what to do with my toddler on a summer day fantastic, I realize that all my 2-year-old really needs is to be stripped down naked and set free in the backyard.  It's a "Lord of the Flies" type thing that seems to work with him, and all males I'm sure.  While I appreciate your suggestion that I should spend some more of my time making his lunches into clever shapes and taking him on a nature hike, chances are the most joy he's going to find all day is when he plays in the toilet bowl when I'm not looking.  And oddly enough, I have not seen any of those suggestions on your site. 

Listen, I'm sure you're not all bad and I know a lot of people really enjoy you for lots of reasons, and that's okay by me.  To each his own.  I just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings between us because quite frankly, I just don't have the time or energy for you.  Even as I type this letter I am thinking about how messy my living room is and how there are two loads of laundry that have been sitting in baskets for four days now... in a laundry room that is filled with unpacked boxes because we don't have enough storage space in this house.  Or maybe the storage space that I do have is just not organized correctly into brightly painted shoe boxes or something like that.  What I'm really trying to say is that you are exhausting.  I don't have time to pin things that would make my life "easier" but in essence depress me because I don't have the time, talent, or resources to make it happen.  So how about this?  Someday when I find that I have plenty of disposable income, all the time in the world, and have moved into my my perfectly organized dream home decorated by the beautiful crafts that I have made, we can try to get along.  Can we make that work?

Thank you for understanding and for allowing me to distance myself so that I can feel like I'm not a complete failure at life.  If you would like to create an online space for me where I can post pictures of all of my failed attempts at crafting and cooking as well as pictures of my messy house, that might be something I can get in line with.  I think I'd find comfort in networking with others who like me did not get any of those necessary genes.  Until then, I think it's best that we see other people.

Thank you for your time... that you apparently have more of than I do.

Sincerely,

A very busy mom

Disclaimer: I have nothing against Pinterest or anyone who uses it.  I do see its merit for some things, but this answers the "why don't you use Pinterest?" question that I'm asked on occasion.  Just FYI!


PS - I probably should have included the sources for these photos but I honestly do not know where they came from.  Ironically, they were swiped from (gasp!) Pinterest since those of us without accounts can still get limited access.

Biggest Loser and A Heavy Dose of Sarcasm...

I'm not even going to lie... I should not even be allowed to call myself a competitor in this Biggest Loser contest!  I'm not sure why it has been so difficult, but this time around I have not really taken the steps to eat better or work out more.  In fact, I think I've gotten worse!  I could list a million excuses (sick kiddos, Mother's Day, our MomSource event, etc.) which have kept us incredibly busy and offered opportunities to gorge myself on sweets, but it really comes down to a lack of commitment.  I set a goal weight to hit before our beach trip this July and now realize that with five pounds (and some major toning) to go, I'm never going to get there if I don't focus and start today.  So after I get rid of this last piece of cake that has been lingering at our house (because obviously it would be wasteful to just throw it away!) I'm back to reaching for a piece of fruit instead of chocolate and getting my rear end back to the gym (or at least out the front door for a little jog).  Somehow the scale numbers continue to drop little by little (probably due to stress more than anything else!), but I know it's going to catch up to me if I don't make some changes.  So, hopefully I won't be as embarrassed to report my progress next week.  If you see me eating a cookie this week, please slap it out of my hand and then show me a picture of Heidi Klum on the runway four weeks after giving birth to her fourth child.  And I'm suuuuuurrrrrrrrre that there was no tummy tuck involved.

As for this weekend, I should be able to squeeze in a workout because we finally have next-to-nothing on the agenda!  The movers were at my parents' house this week so I'm sure we'll be over there to lend a hand (or make it more difficult by adding two kids into the mix!) at some point.  We also have family photos tomorrow with my uber-talented friend, Cory, from Wilkes Photography and this time I'm setting my expectations very low as to how the kids (and by kids I mean Jake) will do.  Here lately he seems to suddenly become shy (which he is NOT) at the sight of a camera, so hopefully he'll at least look in the general direction at least once.  

As a parent, I've learned not to have some idealistic image of how something is going to go because more than likely I'll end up disappointed.  If you want proof, I should post a copy of the baby dedications at our church last weekend.  In my mind, we would stand there and everyone would "ooh" and "ahh" over my babies as Josh blessed them and presented them to the Lord.  Instead, Lilly screamed every time I tried to hand her to anyone but me and Jake rolled around on the stage because I wouldn't pick him up.  Oh it was a sight!  Thank goodness for my sister who saw my "get up here NOW!" look that I shot her because she swooped in to the rescue... meaning she grabbed Jake and ran out of the auditorium while we wrapped up!  Yes, sweet, peaceful moment indeed!  The good news is that at least we'll color coordinate!  I think I have finally mastered the art of coordinating outfits for family photos, which is really based around finding < BRIGHT! > colors that match and using them in different ways.  You can even use clashing patterns as long as there are some solids to balance it out.  Here is our color scheme:

Now if I can just figure out how to accessorize, I'll be all set.  I for one was not born with that gene.  If anyone has a suggestion or two please throw it my way!  And Josh may end up in a yellow shirt if he chooses.  I give my man options.  Only two, yes, but options nonetheless.  :)

I also plan to hit up the neighborhood yard sale tomorrow in hopes to find some treasures for our house.  We recently rearranged the upstairs and I basically have three new rooms to decorate.  We're really trying to stay on a tight budget, so my plan is to find some goodies and also recycle some of the stuff we own and make it new.  All blogs make it look easy, so I'm sure it will be a piece of cake.  Especially since I'm so darn crafty.  {to be read with a heavy dose of sarcasm}

Other than that it's another Sunday at TurningPoint... and I've lost count at what number this one is, which means that we're not quite so new anymore!  I love Sundays because it's a weekly reminder of why we do what we do.  Each week since launch we've seen new faces, people who swore they'd never step foot in a church, and several salvations.  When our weeks get jam-packed, when my days with the kids seem long, when it feels like we have something scheduled for every night of the week, and when it seems like there is never time to just rest, God makes sure to remind me every single weekend that it's all more than worth it.  What I also know is that when I cry out to Him and beg for rest, He gently whispers, "soon."  I don't know if "soon" means tomorrow or if "soon" means three years from now (which in comparison to a life span, would be soon!), but that's the answer I get every time.  Soon I will find rest, but not today.  Today there is still much work to be done for His kingdom.  I guess I'd better get to it.

Have a great weekend, blog land!  Any fun weekend plans on your horizon?

Body, Mind, and Spirit

So it's official... race season has officially begun and I have no excuses this time around.  I am not pregnant, and although I'm nursing, I'm far enough through the process that if my milk supply depletes due to training I'm okay with it.  My husband has signed up for a few big races and now my girlfriends from Florida (who I miss dearly!) are all planning a girls' race weekend in May.  Pressing the "sign me up" button is proving more difficult than I would have anticipated.

You see, I have this problem.  The last race that I ran was Goofy's Race and a Half Challenge a few months before Josh and I got married.  For those of you who don't understand how crazy I am in the head, that's a half marathon (13.1 miles) on a Saturday and then a full marathon (26.2 miles) the very next day.  I was smart about it and decided to walk most of the half in order to be able to run the full, since that would use some different muscles, and even though I did fall apart from about mile 16-20 in the full, I finished both in a decent time.  The point is, I knew I could do it.  I wanted to do it, to prove to myself that I could.  And if you've ever been with me during a race, you will see a stubborn determined attitude that I don't really display at any other time in my life.

So what's the problem?  I realized the other day that my body is not quite connecting to my mind.  In my mind I am still that girl.  In my mind, I could set my alarm this coming Saturday and go out to run 9 or 10 miles, and even enjoy it!  It's something that I was good at the last time I tried, and I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that my body and my brain are disconnected.  Since that time in my life I have spent the majority of my time pregnant.  As much as it pains me to admit, I'm about ten pounds heavier than I was on that race day.  And quite frankly, there is not even a small part of me that has the motivation to get out there again.  Because I know in my heart of hearts that it will hurt.  And it will not be fun.  And I won't be great at it right away.  Like I said, failure is not an option, and I have found myself in a place where I am afraid to try because I might fail.

I look back on these past 6 months and realize that this is the only area of my life that I have allowed this attitude to creep in.  It's almost comical that I will fret about something as minor as fitness,  yet when Josh wanted to move our family three states over to start a church I didn't hesitate.  In fact, I proposed that we do it sooner because I felt it was the right time.  I was pregnant with our second child knowing full well that there would be three months of very little pay mixed in there.  And this was on top of about six months (minimum) of no pay for Josh!  We had a house to sell in a market that wasn't moving and yet, the idea of it did not scare me one bit.  For the first time in a long time I was nothing but excited.

It's my goal to find that excitement about racing again.  I know that it will be hard, as there have been times in these past months that have been challenging.  I know it won't be fun, just as being home alone with two babies while Josh works 70 hours isn't always fun.  But I know in the end that there will be joy and pride, just as there will be an abundance of that when we launch on February 12th.  For all things that are worth it in life, work is involved.

So this morning I got up earlier than I normally would, laced up the (new!) running shoes, and hit the pavement.  I started out at what I thought would be a slow pace for me.  At about a mile in, I told myself that I only had to make it two.  And then I walked the second mile.  I tried to remind myself that I'm carrying extra weight, have not really worked out hard for over two years, and am not used to running in the cold, but again, my brain and my body were not connecting.  Plus, I was sweating profusely since I have no concept of what to wear in 44 degree weather... I was dressed as if I was heading out to the arctic tundra, which makes sense considering my last real run was in northern Illinois in the winter... so basically the arctic tundra.  Everything hurt- my lungs, my throat, my ears, and I kid you not, even my ponytail.  But as I rounded the corner into our driveway I was satisfied that I had done it.  I put the effort out there, and that's half the battle.

Even through the frustration of it all, I felt at peace.  Kids weren't pawing at me, chores couldn't be done, and my Blackberry was still turned off since my workday had not yet started.  Nobody needed me and I could just think wonderful, lovely thoughts of my own.  I listened to worship music and praised God that I had the ability to do this and (eventually) do it well.  And I asked him for a little bit of motivation.  And that's when I realized that even when my mind and my body are disconnected, the spirit of that runner is still within me.  That spirit is what pulls me through.

I can honestly say that these same struggles apply to my Christian life.  My brain tells me that I should go to to church, read my Bible, pray more, and volunteer.  But on some Sunday mornings after a long weekend, my body decides to rebel.  Or sometimes before bed, I fall asleep while praying because my body is exhausted.  Just like everything else, calling yourself a Christian takes work.  I don't think people like to hear that, but it's true.  For a long time I felt like I was a "bad" Christian because I didn't spring out of bed on a Sunday morning to make sure I had the front row seat.  I would read a chapter of my Bible before giving up because I did not understand what it was saying.  And probably my worst offense is my inability to sit still long enough to pray to to the God who created me.  It sounds silly, but even keeping my eyes closed for three minutes during a prayer seems like work... and that's because it is.  But I've come to realize that it's okay, as long as you're doing the work.  And God, knowing that we humans have this disconnect, was wise enough (I mean, He is God... of course He thought of everything!) to send down his Holy Spirit- that spirit that lives inside us.  And that spirit is always willing... we just need to get our minds and our bodies to stop battling each other and actually listen to it!

Following Jesus is a lot like running (stay with me here).  Or working out for that matter.  In order to make it a habit, you have to stick with it.  You have to train, which takes time and dedication.  Eventually your body will function better and you'll be healthier over all  because you're taking care of it.  The spirit is no different.  You have to dust off that Bible and read it, which takes time and dedication.  Eventually your spirit will function better and be healthier over all because you're taking care of it.  Maybe to be a better runner you have to rid yourself of things that get in the way- junk food, long spells in front of the TV, etc.  Well to get your spirit "in shape" you may have to rid yourself of bad influences, addiction, "friends" that pull you down with them.  It won't be easy.  In fact, at times, it will be downright no fun at all and you'll wonder if it's worth it.  But at the end of this run, when we turn the corner and pull into the driveway, there will be a deep satisfaction because you put the effort out there... and that's half the battle.  And maybe, just maybe, if we keep up the effort and let the Spirit guide us, this journey will end with this:

²¹ “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:21)

So be encouraged and be blessed in this new year.  Pick a goal and stick with it.  But most importantly, feed the Spirit, and you will be abundantly blessed in return.

And in 15 weeks when I run that first half-marathon in a very long time, remind me to read my own words, okay?  Because a lot of the time, I'm writing them for me, because I need to hear them.

Unfinished Business

Lately I have come to realize that I have gotten really bad at finishing things that I start.  Take this blog for example... I used to post on here regularly and now it seems like it's once in a blue moon.  Granted, I don't feel like I have much blog-worthy stuff to say, but surely I can find something!  Or my Project365 which lasted all of, what?  Three weeks?  Awesome.  Or the P90X workout that I started last summer... let's see, that ended up being about P3X since it lasted a whopping 3 days.  Now I do know that having a kid puts a whole new dimension of time demands on a person, and that comes on top of working a full-time job from home, keeping house, and trying to serve the church a bit as well as my husband, but how much of this slackerness is acceptable?  Let's take a look around the house, shall we?

Ah yes, my office-slash-playroom.  See the curtains on the right side of the room?  Yeah, well I ordered one too-few panels and was supposed to either find someone to chop the existing panel in two and hem the edge or (more likely) get online and order a second panel.  Yeah, neither have been done.  Not to mention that I had grand plans to organize this mess and that hasn't happened yet either.

Which leads me to another room in the house- the spare bedroom and possibly Jake's room when the new baby comes along.  It's hard to see in this tiny picture, but when we painted the room blue, there was a shelf up that I couldn't get down.  So when my father-in-law last visited in December, I had him take it down, fully intending to spackle and paint those spots.  Yup, it's now four months later.  I think it may be about time to "get around to it."

Moving on... our beautiful remodeled bathroom.  By the time we had completed this we were both over it.  Especially Josh.  So I told myself that I would do the touch-up work later.  Yeah well, that was last fall... long before that shelf in the above picture came down.  And there is still orange on the white and the ceiling still needs a top coat of paint.  Just don't look up when you're in this room, okay?

This one actually makes me laugh a little bit because it is a room that is finished, just not in this picture.  I took this picture ages ago as a "before" picture for the blog, have since repainted and redecorated and still have yet to take and post the "after" picture.  Seriously- how hard is that?

 And it's not just house stuff if you're wondering that by now.  It's little things, too.  For example, this is a photo of my Nana's birthday card, still yet to be mailed.  My Nana's birthday was in January!  Not to mention that she's been in the hospital over this past month and I'm sure a little mail would cheer her up.  Ridiculous.

And while I'm on the topic of birthdays, not only did I totally forget to do birthday blog posts for both sisters in March, but both are still waiting on their gifts.  Well, they're not really waiting because we don't expect anything from each other, but I still have yet to get anything in the mail to them (along with some money I owe one of them).  This bag has been sitting on my dining room table mocking me... I just need to get it in a box and mail it already!  And I know exactly what I want to get the other sister and just haven't gone out to pick it up yet.  Another thing on my ever-growing "To Do" list.

As a mom, time really does get away from you more often then not, but when surveying my surroundings lately I've realized that I use this "lack of time" as an excuse!  Even when it comes to the important things such as my daily Bible study, which is now weekly if I'm lucky.  It took me months to finish Numbers, and granted, it's not the most exciting book in the Bible, but it should not have taken nearly that long!  So I've decided I need to hit the "Reset" button and start finishing these things that I've started... no more excuses.  In fact, I'm going to rid my life of excuses all together.  Some things are unavoidable of course- I mean, I can't go to Hawaii if someone asks me because I don't really have the funding for that, but things like that aren't excuses but rather reality.  But when I can, I plan to start being more proactive and persevere until I finish my projects.  We'll see how it goes... I'll keep you posted.  In fact, I think I'm going to start right. this. minute.  So here's my commitment for tonight... this project has been calling my name for some time now:

Gotta go!  Can't put it off any longer!

What projects can you get finished this week?