21 Days

Each January, our church starts the year off with 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting. The idea is to give God your first fruits… in other words, fast from something that takes you away from God and replace it with daily prayer. In the Bible you see this a lot, and it's always food-related. Moses did a total fast (no food or water) because he needed to hear from God. Daniel stayed away from certain foods- the delicacies- which is where the Daniel Fast, one of the more commonly practiced ones, came from. Even Jesus fasted, which in my opinion is the biggest testament as to the impact that a season of fasting can have on our lives. The idea is that by "starving" the physical or emotional part of you, you can grow in the spiritual. For example, last year I did the Daniel fast, which basically meant that my diet consisted of fruits and vegetables, nuts, and whole oats. I cut out meat, dairy, sugars, coffee (!!!), and wheat, which turned our diet very close to that of a vegan. I am a girl who loves to eat, and I have an exceptionally big sweet tooth, so three weeks of this was H.A.R.D. But I adhered to the idea that every time my body craved something that was not on the menu, it would be a reminder to pray. The whole concept teaches you to rely heavily on God, because we cannot get through it alone, and I definitely could not do that alone. I can't say that I did it perfectly (especially with my birthday falling smack dab in the middle!), but it definitely stretched me, challenged me, and I did find myself spending a lot more quiet time with God. I felt like I was more aware of every minute of every day, and much more dependent on Him. The majority of the first month of the year was dedicated to HIM, and helped the rest of my year fall into place. We believe in this so much that we do it every year.

This year it did not take me very long to figure out what I needed less of, in order to get more of God. Last year I spent time in prayer, really seeking what to give up, and a food-related fast seemed to be my only answer. I had never tried anything that required that much discipline, and I certainly needed some new-found discipline in my day. And I admittedly feel a bit ashamed now for thinking that doing this type of fast was somehow "more" spiritual than someone who gave up, say, Facebook for a month. I mean, how hard could that be, right??

In true God-fashion (He really does have the best sense of humor), without hardly any thought, all I can hear this year is GIVE UP FACEBOOK! Really, God? Are you sure?? And then to take it one step further I heard, No, I'm not sure. Give up all of the extras on your phone, too.

Here is my mama-confession for the day: I have spent way more time in the past few months on my phone than I have with my kids. Granted, I have not calculated it, but I just feel, well, disconnected. People claim they love Facebook to be more connected, but honestly, having the distraction of my phone and all its fun little apps makes me more disconnected from the people in my own home! I used to love to sit and watch the kids play in the tub. Lately, I use that time to scroll my newsfeed. I used to love to build train-tracks with Jakes. Now that Lilly is pretty good at playing with him, I can sit back and check Instagram or Twitter. My excuse has always been that my Bible and my books are on my phone, but I don't have the discipline to use those and not the other stuff. So starting Friday, for 21 days, my phone is for what it was originally made for… phone calls and texts. I'm going to get back to basics… reading my Bible out of my actual Bible, so that I'm not tempted to look at other things. Waking up in the morning and saying a prayer, rather than checking out who posted what in the mere 8 hours since I went to bed. Being engaged with my kids, participating in their play-time, teaching them new things, and not missing out on them while they're little. How can I expect Jake not to want to look at the phone and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse at the same time when he sees his mama doing the same thing? Sure, I don't really want to see Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (for the umpteenth time… pretty sure I've seen them all by now), but I could just as easily read out of a book at that time. When he sees that as his other option, I can only hope that it looks appealing to him and he develops into a boy who loves to read as much as his daddy does (and his mama tries to). I need this change, and I honestly hope it helps me develop a better self-discipline when it comes to such things in the long-term.

I think sometimes we feel like God is being silent, not listening to our cries and concerns. Here lately, I just think that the world has silenced Him out of my head, and I'm missing the many blessings He gives me daily. When I was deciding whether or not this was the fast I was going to do, I sat down and told my husband and two friends what I was considering. As I was talking, I started to tear up as I told them about how I felt like I was missing my kids, even though I'm with them everyday. When the emotions started to well up, it confirmed this in my heart. He isn't silent… we just need to listen. He'll confirm what we're feeling and answer the cries of our hearts when we humbly go to Him. I may "lose" many voices that were in my world for at least the next three weeks, but I am so thankful that I am going to zero in on the One that matters. 

On a related note, I stumbled across this article last night and found it interesting: Finding Balance in a Wired World. A lot of this definitely struck a chord with me and just confirmed (again) how badly I need to do this! I'd love to hear if this resonates with any of you, too!

And just so you know, yes I will still be blogging (I hope… I'm on a roll you know!) and posting my Project #365Grateful photos to Instagram over this time (although I will not be checking out everyone else's!). 

And for those of you who are interested or are considering a food-related fast, you can check out the post I did about that last year by clicking here.

Cheers to a New Year!

Happy 2014! While it is obvious that my brilliant "Twelve Days of Christmas" idea fell flat, and I haven't even posted about Christmas itself, I figured that I can just put 2013 behind me and simply look forward. I'm going to stop putting so much pressure on myself when it comes to blogging (how often, what about, etc.) and just get back to my roots… writing when I felt like it, when I found time, about what I felt like. That seemed to work once upon a time, and it actually made me like blogging! Who needs unwanted pressure anyway? Especially pressure that you're only putting on yourself?? Now that's just silly.

So anyway… 2014… a new year… a fresh start. I posted this on Facebook a couple of days ago, but want it here so I can refer back to it when I need to. Here are my hopes for this upcoming year:

In 2014 I want….

More of God and less of me.

More self-discipline and less mind-numbing distractions.

More chats with my husband and less time on Facebook.

More quality time with my kids and less time with my phone, housework, etc.

More time in the Word and less in front of the TV.

More good stuff going in and less junk and fast food.

More muscle and less fat.

More intentionality and less selfishness.

More self-discipline and less laziness.

More focus on the present and less worrying about the "what if's."

More words that speak life and less opinions that tear others down.

More enjoyment of my blessings and less thinking about my finances.

More laughter and less stress.

More encouragement to others and less judgement and criticism.

2013 was a really good one, but just like any other year, it was not without its ups and downs. I still opened my big, fat mouth when I probably shouldn't have, unintentionally hurt feelings of those I love, said that thing that would win the fight, yelled at my kids out of my frustration, questioned my decisions and opinions,  and definitely spent way too much time with my phone in front of my face when I should have been on the floor playing with my kids or spending quality time with my husband. I wasn't intentional with my time, always wondering how I got to the end of the day and did not manage to work out, cook dinner, or read my Bible, even though I did manage to peruse my newsfeed, check Instagram, and watch a rerun of Friends (or two). And I know that I will never get it all right, but I love the promise of a new year, and the fact that we can evaluate our priorities and shift our focus. And 2014 is already shaping up to be a pretty darn good one… here are some things that are already on the horizon, or in the works:

• After waiting 5 years, we are taking a much-anticipated (and promised) honeymoon in Northern California. I. CANNOT. WAIT.
• As if that's not enough, my mom is kindly generously treating me and my sisters to a week-long cruise in the Mediterranean! I'm still in shock… and totally plan on sleeping in EVERY. DAY.
• There may or may not be a marathon in the works. I think I just need to get over myself, pull the trigger and sign up already. 
• Excited to go to the ARC Conference and the GROW Conference again this year, with a few ARC trainings thrown in (I hope). 
• We're working on an opportunity for Josh to go on a mission trip to Africa this year. It's my dream mission trip, so I'm a bit jealous, but I know that my days will come, too.
• Praying about expanding our family… either the old-fashioned way or through adoption. We have no plans currently, but I know that we're moving in that direction.
• Finally selling our house in Illinois… it's under contract just waiting on approval from the bank. Honestly, my hopes are not up, but this is the furthest we've ever gotten in the process so we'll just wait and see!

Excited. Expecant. Anticipating… LOVE a new year! 

I pray abundant blessings over your 2014- may it be your best one yet! Go after that scary goal, say "yes" to something you thought you'd never do, seek God in all you do, and spend your time with those you love. I figure that if I do that first thing right (having more of God and less of me), the rest of this stuff will just fall into place. 

Chinks in the Armor

I think I've unofficially decided that Mondays are going to end up being about my "Fresh Start" journey.  I never meant for this to be a series, and by no means do I feel like it will happen every Monday, but as I go into week two of getting up early to spend time in the Word, more and more is revealed to me that I just need to share.  Amazing how that happens, right? And as Josh and I come down from a very emotional Sunday, this morning I still dragged myself out of bed (well, Jake helped thankfully with his earlier than usual wake-up and requests for "The Incredibles") earlier than I would have liked, God spoke to me the exact words that I need to hear. I am not one who can claim that I ever hear His voice audibly (although I do have one story from long ago that I might have to share someday), but here lately my morning reading is a slap-in-the-face, direct response to what I'm going through. I just never stuck with it long enough to realize that He's just trying to get in on the conversation.

So what exactly have I been going through lately? Well, let's just say that I'm feeling a little beat up. Have you ever had one of those weeks (or several in a row) where luck / fate / karma or whatever you want to blame it on is not on your side? And it almost feels as if you are being chipped away at by a tiny hammer... putting chips in your armor if you will. Well, that's been us lately... a chip here and a chip there, as if something is trying to get to our core.  For example...

We received some pretty devastating news about an old friend and a family that we love dearly and it kind of rocked our world, as well as the worlds of many people we know and love.  Chip.

We learned that one of our loved ones was diagnosed with lymphoma.  Chip.

Lil came down with a very nasty form of strep. Chip.

Josh's Twitter and Facebook account were repeatedly hacked and hateful things were written by someone out there under his name. Chip.

I unintentionally (and stupidly) hurt someone that I love very much because of something I said. Chip.

I came down with a different form of Lil's nasty strep. Chip.

And then our IronMan experience, which I will post about tomorrow, was the icing on the cake. Chip.

I know that some of these things seem small and that there are many people out there facing much bigger trials than we are.  There are also many folks living the things that are only affecting us as a third party, and I know that it's difficult. But sometimes it's not the one big thing that gets us, but the continuous pestering of the little things that end up wearing us down, to the point that even just a stubbed toe feels like the world is caving in on you... you know what I mean? Or the way you want to throw the remote control across the living room because the volume button all of the sudden doesn't work. Silly things... stupid things... but things that build up to become big things. Well, that's how I woke up this Monday morning, so today I probably needed to open that Bible more than ever, and I'm so glad I did today.

Lately I've been reading through Romans and well, just wow. I tried to read through it years ago before I truly had a relationship with Christ and it just ticked me off because I felt like it was trying to tell me how I should live my life. The funny thing is, the words are still the same years later and it's still trying to tell me how to live my life and through growth and a change in my spirit, I now receive these guidelines and find joy in trying to honor God with my obedience. These words are now my strength and here is where I find comfort.

So this morning as I tried not to dwell on the negatives, it was in Romans that He reminded me- victory is ours in the end... even though some times we go through some pretty rotten stuff.

"For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.  And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory. But if we are share his glory, we must also share his suffering." (Romans 8:17)

When I focus on the big picture, I think I forget that someday the glory of God will be mine. I am so awed and humbled by the thought that I cannot even fathom such a thing. But since this is earth and not heaven, well, we live in a fallen world that isn't perfect, so less than perfect stuff happens sometimes... and many times it's through these little, tiny things. And the worst part about these minuscule nuances is that our focus ends up shifting to them instead of this bigger picture.  And so He reminds me...

"Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." (Romans 8:37)

Overwhelming victory... it's the promise He reminded me of when I needed it most. Life may chip away at my armor sometimes, but thankfully He has clothed me in his armor (Ephesians 6:10-17), and I can handle whatever is thrown my way. Today I am thankful for these reminders and to know that my focus is on the bigger picture- the bigger prize- because I already know that I'm on the winning team.

I hope this helps you get through your week as much as it's going to help me with mine!