A Long-Overdue Kid Update

Since at one time this was a place to keep up with our (too fast) growing children, I figured there's no time like the present to do a very long overdue update on my favorite kids on the planet.

Jake turns 6 in March, has half a year of kindergarten under his belt, two less teeth in his head, loves Legos, Playstation, Wii, and the iPad, and has recently taken an interest in karate, so we are exploring that as an option in the near future. He is still the sweetest, most kind-hearted child I know, and makes friends with everyone, which also makes him a bit of my emotional one. His best one-liner here recently was on New Years Eve when his aunt asked him if he wanted an extra scoop of ice cream and he responded with, "Sure, I'm not driving." He's my buddy and makes us all laugh all the time, and he loves his sisters (particularly the new one) so much.

And then there's Miss LillyLilly-bug. Oh my that she is a handful... in a good way most of the time. She turned 4 in September and is seriously a twirling ball of all that sparkles, skipping and flipping everywhere she goes. Dresses are the only acceptable wardrobe choice, unless I force her into a pair of pants, and if the dress goes all the way to the floor like a princess, that's even better. She loves to play pretend (and can do it for hours, just like her mama used to do), color and draw, play dress-up, and ride her bike. She recently learned to whistle and shows off her new trick to anyone that will watch. She's begging to go to dance class, and cannot wait to start pre-K, asking about once a week whether it's her turn to go to school yet. She's pretty witty also, but mostly just over-the-top dramatic, and keeps life interesting and fun.

And oh sweet, sweet AnnieB. I know she's ours and I'm bias, but ask anyone who knows her and they'll agree that she is the world's BEST baby. That little thing smiles about everything, and even when she's getting "fussy," it's almost as if she tries to make herself laugh to get herself to stop crying. It's kind of comical actually. We've decided that she has Jake's determination to accomplish things, but without his tendency to get frustrated and mad when he can't do it right away. So it's his drive with Lilly's more chilled out personality, so she's pretty happy while she's trying, but loves to figure things out. That's probably why she was my 5-month sitter, 6-month crawler, and 7-month stander and cruiser. She babbles mostly "da-da-da-da-da" (of course) but she also sometimes does "ba-ba-ba" and my favorite, "mmmmm-ma-ma-ma-ma." It's music to my ears. We haven't decided yet if she's going to have Jake's volume, but she sure can squeal for happiness sake! She started out as my smallest, but has caught right up, weighing in at 19 pounds at our last check-up. She's still my little thumb-sucker, which is a big change from my paci-loving other two, but it sure does come in handy and I don't have to constantly search for the magical baby soother, since she can always find it herself. She has stolen everyone's hearts for sure.

It's crazy for me to think that we have been parents for almost six years! I always rolled my eyes when people said "they grow up to fast," thinking it was so cliche, but now I know why they say it. It's the truest statement ever. While I would love for them to stay little, I thank God everyday that they are healthy and growing, and I love seeing more and more of who they were created to be with each passing day. Who knew a person could love this much?

Who's Who?

So apparently Josh and I make clone babies. Everyone keeps telling me that Miss AnnieB is looking more like Jake and I would have to agree, but I remember thinking that Lilly looked just like him, too! So I decided to do a little research... can you figure out who's who?

My dearest Annabelle,

Hi my love. We are now within two weeks of finally meeting you and seeing your face, and it's an understatement to say that we are all excited. The wait has seemed so long this time around, and your brother and sister have been as patient as they know to be, but ask me daily when you'll be here. They have spent the past nine months rubbing on this belly of mine, kissing it, talking to it, and Lilly enjoys "reading" stories to you each night before bed. We have prayed for you, felt you flip around in there, and enjoyed every little ultrasound picture we've been able to see so far. You, my dear, are already so very loved. I'm trying to be patient and truly soak in these last days of having you all to myself, but even I am growing a little impatient. From the start you have made things a wee bit more uncomfortable than either of the other two did, and you're definitely making yourself known to me these days! Granted, I am still chasing around your siblings, which I did not have to do as much when I was carrying them, and they don't seem to slow down much for me. The three of you are definitely wearing me out these days, but you are all going to have so much fun together! I cannot believe how lucky I am to get to be the mommy of these three special people. God is so good to us.

Before you get here, I just wanted to make sure you know how much love is waiting for you once you decide to make your entrance into this world. You daddy and I talk about you all the time, and there is an entire church full of people asking when you're going to be here! Kiddo, never doubt that God has big plans for you, as He has already surrounded you with amazing people who look forward to being a part of your life. He knew you long before we did, and picked you out especially for us. I'm going to go ahead and warn you that we're not perfect, and we're going to mess up sometimes. Mommy's fuse gets a little short when i am really tired, sometimes I forget that playing on the floor with you is far more important than cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, and on occasion I place blame on one of you before I know the full story, but I'm working on it. Just know that no matter what mistakes I make and no matter how good or bad our day goes, I will always love you, always be here for you, and will always feel blessed that I can call you mine. I will do all that I can to help shape you into the girl (and eventually woman) that God has created you to be, and do all that I can to make sure you go after your big, scary dreams. I already know that you are special. You are valuable. You have talents beyond our wildest dreams. The anticipation of your arrival is hard, but I know that you are worth it.

We can't wait to have you in our arms, but I know the waiting (and discomfort, exhaustion, and all of the impending labor pain) is worth it. Brace yourself to be smothered in love... you have stolen our hearts already.

See you soon, baby girl.
xoxo, Mommy (and very anxious family)

Sharing our News

Well, the cat is out of the bag, and we have officially announced that Baby #3 will be making his or her way into the world in May 2015! We were planning to keep it a secret a little longer than we did, but our very excited 3-year-old daughter was basically telling everyone- friends, people at church, total strangers- that her mommy has a baby in her belly. Yeah, I didn't think that through… the thing is, Jake was 9-months old when we were pregnant with her, so it never really dawned on me that the two of them might break the news to others before we were ready! But such is life.

As for Josh, I promised him awhile back that if we were to have a third, that I would find a cool way to tell him. I always had the intentions to do that the first times around, but instead it always ended up as one of those, "uh honey, could you run to Walgreens for me?" moments instead. So this has been a long time in the making. 

Even though I had my idea for a long time, I did not realize just how tricky it was going to be to pull off. It stemmed around professional photos being taken, and one photo in particular. Ever since we got married, our family has had the same picture taken year after year, of our feet. It's cuter than it sounds… and as our family grew, there were more little cute tootsies (and sometimes the entire kiddo) in the shot. Here are some from years past:

I so desperately wanted to make this picture happen again, but once we were all lined up, I'd pull a pair of baby shoes out and set them down between all of our feet and SURPRISE! And of course, the photographer would be in on it and would take pictures of the whole thing. Easy peasy, right?

I have never been more proud of pulling something off. Between quickly finding a friend (who also happens to take gorgeous pictures) wo would be available to take "Lilly's Third Birthday Pictures", making sure she understood the plan, keeping the news TO MYSELF for a week and a half (yeah, there was a lot of deception going on!), playing off that we should probably all go (and be camera ready) "just in case" there was an opportunity to get a family shot, and successfully hiding baby shoes in my back pocket for just the right moment, there was a lot of stress involved, but it was worth it! 

It's funny though… he couldn't find a place to park and so he called me and said he'd just circle around until we were done. Um, excuse me??? I don't think so. So I made him illegally park where we could see the car and come out and join us. Then we added the shoe picture as if it was an afterthought and I "explained the concept" to our friend, Ellen, as if she didn't know it was coming. 

And here's the moment of truth… she captured it all so perfectly!

Lining up

Oh wait, I forgot something

These need to be in the picture, too!

Are you serious???

There was lots of laughter after that… he had NO idea!

The kids finally catch on. Yay! We're having a baby!

After that, we took some pretty cute shots that we could use later for an announcement to everyone else:

And so you have it. The family pictures and sweet ones of our first two kiddos were just an added bonus!

So there you have it… a super complicated way to announce some good news! We ended up telling our immediate family and some close friends the following weekend at Lilly's birthday party by having her unwrap a "Big Sister" shirt in front of everyone. I have video of everyone's reaction, but I'm not going to post it since it's mostly of the ceiling and 20 minutes long, because I never hit the record button again to stop it! And even though I'm sure you've seen it on Instagram by now, this is how we told the rest of our world:

A VERY special thank you to my dear friend, Ellen Turner, for taking these incredible photos, and for keeping a secret for as long as she did! And to a few others who helped me keep up appearances until the day came that I could pull this off. Needless to say, this family is very excited!

Things I Thought I'd Never Do

As of yesterday, I have officially added "homeschooling mom" to the list of titles that I have carried in my life. And just like the "pastor's wife" title that I have carried since I said, "I do," it's one that I thought I would never, ever, in a million years, have associated with my name… not because I ever had anything against it, but rather because I've just never felt like it was for me. The conversation would come up, and I would pretend to entertain the idea, but deep down I just knew it was never going to happen. Period.

But sometimes life is funny. It wasn't until I was away from my kids this summer for almost three straight weeks (with a  tiny break in the middle there) that I continued to feel something pressed upon my heart. It was this "thing" that I just couldn't shake… like a small whisper or a nudge, and even though it was oh-so-quiet, it would wake me in my sleep and penetrate my thoughts in even the loudest room. And it was one that was telling me, for reasons that I could not understand, to at least consider keeping my little ones home this year. I disliked the voice so much that I did not even tell my husband, even though he had a major part in the process of making this decision! But I just couldn't go there… not yet.

If you're wondering why I was ever so set against this idea, I can honestly tell you that I'm not entirely sure. I will say that there is a small part of me that was looking forward to kindergarten, so that I'd have more time to pursue some other passions that I've put off for awhile and throw myself more into the work of our church. Another part of me did not want to fall into the stereotype that all pastors' families are homeschooling families. I've never had anything against any type of school, whether it be public, private, or anything else, and I have loved everything about the little preschool we've sent our kiddos to over the past two years. In regards to why one should homeschool, I've had conversations that were completely uplifting and positive and many that harbored so much animosity toward any other way of doing school that it turned me off to the idea. It can be a hot topic, that's for sure, and if you're not homeschooling, let me be the first to say that it's alright… it's not for everyone, and honestly, not everyone is in a situation where they can make it work for their current family situation.

And that's just the thing… it's YOUR family. In all the times that I spoke to anyone about it, very few people made it about US, about MY kids, and about MY family. If it's such a personal decision, I couldn't figure out why everyone kept talking about why the world ought to be doing it one way or the other, rather than applying it to the person in the conversation. And so this is my new answer, for this and just about every other decision this family  is going to make over the next seventy years:

We're just doing what's right for our family right now.

I cannot tell you how much JOY I have found in that statement, and how freeing it has truly been! Right now, in this season of our lives with Josh traveling a lot and our weekends not really being weekends, homeschool works great for us. The kids can travel with us and experience things they cannot get if they are in school, and I can stretch myself and teach them, and soak up these days while they are still little. But can I say that this will be right for my family next year? Ummm… not really. Not yet. I know some people feel like you should commit whole-heartedly, but through the years I've learned that life changes in a blink of an eye and throws surprises at you that you never saw coming. And so we learn to roll with it, adjust on the fly, and evaluate our current situation with every changing year. Take me for example: since we've been married I've worked in an office, I've worked from home full-time, I've been laid off, I've worked full-time for the church, I've worked part-time for the church, I've taken time off to just be a mom and a wife, and now there's this. Because in those times, those things worked best for my family.

So I think here's my point… whatever it is that you're fretting over right now and whatever decisions you're facing, just know that as long as you're doing what's best for YOUR family, that's the best you can do. Whether your kids are in public school, private school, charter school, or homeschool, just make sure it's the best situation for what you want your family to get out of it. Whether you breastfeed, bottle feed, or give your child goat's milk, just do what's best for your family. I moved one of my children to his crib at 5 weeks old, and my little girl slept in our bed until she was 9 months old, because at those times, those choices worked best for our family. 

So for you moms out there, stop looking left and right. Please stop doubting yourself and your instincts so much. Instead, look within your own home, evaluate everything that is happening around you, and take notice of the season of life that you're in and base your decisions on that. And know that what you decide does not have to be the way you do things forever, because I guarantee there is a curve ball coming at you that you won't see coming. And then you'll adjust.

But most importantly, never say never. This pastor's wife who home schools her kids hardly recognizes herself these days, but she's doing what's best for her family right now and it's the most rewarding feeling I've ever had.

Sidenote: our first two days of homeschool have been awesome! I do plan to share some of my thoughts and experiences on here throughout the year (considering that BOTH of my kids are napping right now, which NEVER happens anymore… hooray for this new schedule!), but can honestly say that I am blown away with how much I have loved it. And that has very little to do with homeschooling or not homeschooling, and everything to do with giving into that little whisper. Is God whispering anything to you right now? 

5 Years in 5 Minutes

Kids, a growing church, and deciding to be a mom who is not just a STAY at home mom, but a PLAY at home mom has slowed down the frequency of my posts and made me the world's worst blogger over the past few years. BUT… since I started this thing right after we got married, hopefully this little video will catch you up!  Five years… five sweet, amazing years… five years filled with lots of love, laughter, chaos, and fun. I was at a wedding recently and the best man said, "I hope that today is the day when your love is the weakest," and I loved that. I get that now. I love my husband more with every passing season, with every trial that we work through, and through every triumph that we celebrate. I cannot imagine a better life, nor do I want to. I thank God everyday upon remembrance of this man that God chose for me, which makes me love my God even more. Thank you, Josh, for contenting to challenge me, encourage me, and for helping me to grow into the woman that God created me to be. Five years does not even seem like how long I feel like we've been together… you were made for me and I feel like we've known each other forever. I can't wait to see what the next five, ten, fifteen, or fifty years hold for us. Happy Anniversary to you my love. Forever and ever….

Five on Good Friday

Whew… Fridays come around awfully fast! And on this Friday, let's first take a minute to remember that it is Good Friday, the day that we remember Jesus dying on the cross. I grew up remembering and honoring that every year on Good Friday, but in so many ways, I don't think I really got it. It didn't do anything to my heart, and I did not truly recognize this incredible sacrifice He made so that I could live free of all of my guilt, shame, and past (and future) sins. Even though I knew what happened on Good Friday, and even though I knew that He died for me, and even though I knew that He rose from the dead and His spirit could live within me, I carried all of that around for years. Many people have trouble with the logic, as in, did He really raise from the dead? I mean- really?? (which by the way, no remains of Jesus have every been found… and His disciples along with many of His followers were brutally martyred for sharing His story after this death and resurrection, and if they hadn't really witnessed it, I highly doubt someone, much less many someones, would die to pass along that story), but I never questioned it logically. For me, it was more of a matter of handing that guilt and shame and junk over to Him. I know it's not a physical act, but sometimes it's more comfortable to hang onto it. I mean, we deserve to have to carry that around. We deserve a life separate from God's goodness and grace. It's almost as if we can accept that Jesus died for the sins of the world, but not our sins. Nope, our sins we have to live with forever and ever.

Over the past six years, the story of Jesus on the cross has impacted me dramatically. I cannot say that it happened overnight, but over time, the head knowledge I had began to sink into my heart. I was weary from carrying around my past misdoings. I was tired of feeling like I would never get it right. In fact, I felt like I couldn't really go to church until I got my life in order… ever been there? But God is funny that way. He brought a handsome pastor into my life while I was in the midst of really trying to figure out how to get it all right. Truthfully, I tried to say no to our first date, because I knew that I was a mess, carrying around all of this junk, and since he was a pastor, he must not have any of that. God never cared that I was a mess, but He did want me to hand that mess over to Him. In fact, Josh didn't really care that I was a mess either, but He didn't want me to stay there. It's funny that logically His death and even his resurrection made sense to me; I never doubted that. But logically, accepting what He did as a gift of freedom to me, was what didn't make sense. At some point, that head knowledge just has to become heart knowledge. I came to the end of myself, threw up my hands, decided I couldn't stay where I was, and just handed it over. I handed over all that I had done wrong, all of my imperfections, all of my desires to please others, and you know what? When I got rid of that, it made so much more room in my heart for change. I had been so weighed down by it all for all those years that I didn't know how much more capacity I would have to love others if I handed that over. How much more room I'd have for compassion to set in, so I could serve others. How much more room I had for joy to appreciate the little and big things in life, so that I could bless others. And pretty much immediately, He started blessing ME for that one, simple decision. Sure, I still have my days of feeling low every now and then because I am human. Harsh words or actions still sting every now and then, and sometimes I get it wrong, hurting those I love without meaning to. But at the end of every day, I know that it's okay, He reaches down and takes that off my shoulders, He pours out fresh mercy every morning, and I get to try again the next day. Everyday I try to imitate Jesus, and everyday, at some point, I mess up. But I am so incredibly thankful, so much more joyful, and am living a life that I did not earn, nor do I deserve. And that's the whole point of the cross… it really just comes down to whether or not we allow ourselves to accept it for everything that it is.

If you are struggling with past hurts, sins, guilt, shame, and just feel bogged down by the world, I would encourage you to go to church this Easter and listen to your heart, not your head. Let the story of Easter stir your soul, and let His goodness wash over you. If you've never watched Passion of the Christ, check that out, too. It's brutal, but it makes it so real. Nobody would voluntarily go through that if it didn't matter. So this Easter, make it personal, and make it matter.

So finally, as I get to my Five this Friday, this week it's my five greatest blessings since saying "YES" to what a life with Jesus means:

(1) My faith… in good times, in bad times, it is my rock. My roots are deeply rooted in Him so that things of this world cannot rock me. God is my source of hope, strength, and courage. I would be lost without Him.

(2) This man. If I had made a list of everything I could want in a husband, He is that and more. He helped me find my way and encourages me to help others do the same. He challenges me to always be better, always find more ways to serve and bless others, and is a great father and role model. He embodies what it means to be the spiritual head of our household, and my kids are learning to be more like Jesus because they want to be more like daddy. I don't deserve Him, but again, that's how God works. He is far more than I deserve, and I hope I love him in a way that he knows that everyday. 

(3) Our two precious little ones. I always say that if you can witness the miracle of growing a baby and seeing it come into the world, I am not sure how you can doubt that God exists. It was in that moment that they came into the world that I felt the presence of God all around me. They can be a lot of handle sometimes, but they make my heart swell with more love than I thought possible. I definitely don't deserve them, but God blessed me with them anyway, and now I want to do all I can to make sure they grow up not just loving Him, but KNOWING Him. I want it to always be personal for them. These two will surely impact the world in a positive way if I can just get that right.

(4) This ministry… and others I have the privilege of being a part of. Me- a pastor's wife?? Really??? Like everything else, it doesn't make sense. I've grown in this role over time, have become comfortable with it over time, still doubt whether or not I measure up daily, but realize that it's a role that God entrusted me with, so I will do all that I can to treat it as it should be. I get a front row seat to the miracles that God pours out over our church family. I hear stories that not everyone gets to know about marriages that are restored, addictions that are broken, and past hurts that are forgiven as that baggage is handed over. It's not always the easiest role to be in, but I never underestimate what an honor it is to be chosen for it. 

(5) The relationship I have… whether it's through family, ministry, or old friends, I have more friends and people who love me in my life than I know what to do with. I have friends who are mentors, and friends who I mentor. I have friends who know all of my secrets, and friends who entrust me with theirs. Life is all about relationships, and I know without a doubt that I am surrounded by people daily who genuinely love me for me. My acceptance comes through how I please Jesus, so that my friends can come through nothing other than love. 

May the significance of Christ's death and resurrection impact you in a new, fresh way this Easter. May his grace and mercy wash over you, and the past you've been carrying around with you be stripped away so you may start anew and live in freedom. I pray that Easter is the start of a brand new day for you, or a reminder of how free you truly are now that you're living FOR Him. It sounds funny to sign off with Happy Good Friday here, as the day was anything but happy, but the joy is coming in three more days.

Happy Easter to you and your loved ones. I'll get back to my regularly-scheduled Friday Kid-Funnies next week, but this was just too big of a Friday to pass up.

First Day of Christmas

For my first Twelve Days of Christmas post I am going to back up to November. Each year we always talk about having photos done for our Christmas cards, but typically it never happens. We've always taken family pictures around Jake's birthday in the spring, but since that didn't happen this year, I had no idea what we would do. Realizing that my sisters had not had "official" family pictures for years and that my parents (mom in particular) has been wanting a picture with all of her grandchildren for quite some time, we made plans to give them a photo shoot for their 42nd (!!!) anniversary. All together this meant 8 adults, 2 teenagers, and 4 kids under 4. We booked a session with my incredibly talented friend, Cory, and used my parents' gorgeous home here in the Bluegrass as the setting. Here are a few peeks.

The real fun, though, was all because of Cory's creativity. She thought it would be fun to take some candids of all of us just hanging out, making s'mores to be exact. I have to say, it was a super-wonderful time with my favorite people, and she captured everyone's personalities so well through it. We will treasure these always… and one or two will end up on our Christmas card! I see many more family s'mores roasts in our future!

Happy Anniversary to these two wonderful people. 

I am blessed to have you as parents!