A new year, A finished house, A new adventure

Happy 2016!

To be honest, I am surprised that this blog even still exists as infrequently as I update, but thankfully the good ol' Internet hasn't kicked me off yet. Which is good, considering that I have plenty to document in the coming months (and plenty to catch up on it when if I get around to it). So since nap time gives me a very small window to throw some of this out there, I'll start this year with a very quick recap of what is happening around here, in hopes that I can expound on it later, and do a catch-up post about the kiddos later this week, since that would take up an entire post on its own.

So since I left you all a little bit hanging and wondering when in the world this never-ending renovation is going to be finished, trust me, I felt the same way. We ripped the house to pieces in June, and it wasn't until the week of Christmas that the very last part of our kitchen was installed after many, many obstacles. Renovating a kitchen from the studs is no joke... and between the cabinet designers, manufacturers, installers, and getting on people's schedules, there are plenty of opportunities for things to get held up. But after many mishaps and even the wrong pieces being ordered and delivered at times, I am thrilled about how it turned out! I need to do an entire before and after post, but just in case that never happens, here's our finished project (and you can see some of the before pictures here if you want):

Isn't she beautiful? I can honestly say it's exactly what we had in our heads when we looked at the space, and that kitchen island is my favorite spot in the house. It's where we have most of our meals, do our schoolwork, and hang out with friends whenever they come over. It was worth every penny.

BUT... here's the really unexpected part of our house plans...

As of two days ago, this beautiful house and all of our hard work is under contract to sell to another family.  For the past month and a half, Josh and I have been praying about and preparing for a move to Birmingham, Alabama, and to be honest, one of the hardest things for me to wrap my mind around was leaving what we thought would be our forever home. And then on top of that, leaving the church that we started in the care of someone else. As you can probably guess, this was not something that either one of us saw coming or expected, which is why we purchased a home last spring.

So why the move? Over the past four years, really since the church started, Josh has been heading up the coaching and training for future church planters through the Association of Related Church (ARC). This is the same organization that helped plant us, both when we were in Illinois and again when we started our church here in Kentucky, and for me personally, the people we met through the organization and the resources they gave us were always like fresh breath in my lungs. I told Josh to run every travel opportunity by me before he committed, unless it was for ARC. The people at ARC care about these pastors that plant so much, and want to make sure that their families always stay healthy. I loved everything about it, and told him that we would always do whatever we could to help make their mission of planting 2000 churches by 2020 a reality. For a long time he was able to pastor our people here well and continue to help get these churches started, both of which he loved doing so much. But the reality was that our church continued to grow and more and more families continued pouring in, and more churches needed to be started and more planters were coming through. We did feel like eventually we would be forced to choose, but did not really know when that would be, until a couple of months ago.

Here's the thing... I love Lexington so much. When it came to picking a place that we'd call home, we fell in love with horse country. Aside from a couple of colder-than-usual winters, it is absolutely everything I wanted my hometown to be. And I love our church, and I have far too many great friends that I consider family that we have met through our church. Oh yeah, and then there's the house and that kitchen. Oh that dreamy kitchen. But when it came down to it, there is no doubt in my mind that Josh was made to do this. Church planting fans a fire inside him like nothing else, and he loves being a mentor and coach to those stepping out to plant a church. If we believe that the hope of the world will only be found through the growth of God's kingdom through the local church, then we have to do all we can to make sure great churches are started in every community. So although it's a hard thing, it's the right thing. I have not felt such a peace about a move or a decision like this since the time we decided to move here, and if these past four years are any indication of how much fruit obedience can bear, then I can't even imagine what is to come. Sowing and reaping... funny how I picked the name for this blog around the same time we planted here. 

I could go on and on, and there are way too many stories of confirmation and just really amazing things God has already worked out for us to make this the easiest "yes" possible, but he probably does a better job of it anyway, so I'll sign off for now with the clip from his sermon this weekend. 

Never say never. Never in a million years did I think I would marry a pastor, fall in love with Kentucky (since I lived here when I was younger and said I'd never consider it), help start a church that would grow to minister to thousands, and definitely not move to Alabama. I may be the only Vol fan in a sea of crimson there, so I know without a doubt that it's God doing the sending.

I challenge everyone to do something crazy-bold for God at some point this year. If He's whispering something to you, go for it. One tiny step can lead to another and another and before you know it, you're on the greatest adventure of your life. I'm so thankful I said "yes" to Josh when he asked me to marry him 6 weeks after we met. I'm thankful I said "yes" when it came to moving to Illinois. I'm thankful I said "yes" when we prayed about planting a church. It's always unexpected, but never fails to leave me in total and absolute awe of God's goodness.

So that's our next great adventure... hopefully I'll be better about keeping you posted this time around!

500

Sometimes I hear the news and almost lose hope in the world. Between school shootings, ISIS, poverty and war in the world, and the financial situation of our country, it seriously makes me wonder if there is anything good in this world anymore. But as soon as my brain goes down that gloom and doom road, I am almost always immediately reminded, somehow, that God is in control. He has not given up on us, nor will He ever. And today's reminder looked something like this:

500 churches. 500 NEW churches. And all of this has only been in the past 12 years or so, with the bulk of them being in the past 5. Josh and I went to our very first Association of Related Churches (ARC) training as newlyweds before launching our campus in Illinois. We were probably one of 20 other couples, the "training" was more of an opportunity to hang out with other people who were crazy enough to try the same thing, but the people that we met, who were on staff and who had already planted a church before us, well, they're what got us. By far it was one of the friendliest, authentic, most joy-filled, encouraging group of people we had ever been around. I grew up in churches where I mostly felt judged (was I wearing the right thing? Did they look at me and think that I had ever messed up or was I playing the role of perfect daughter/sister/friend/Christian perfectly? Did they know that I went out partying last weekend or did I hide that well enough?), but this particular group of Christians was just so real, down-to-earth, and genuinely wanted to know us... about our hopes, dreams for this church, why we were going to go plant, and what our fears and struggles were. Yes, they wanted to know the good AND the bad, so that they could truly help us and be there for us. Special. That's what these people were.

When we felt that the time had come to plant TurningPoint (about 2 1/2 years later), it was a no-brainer that we wanted to partner with these wonderful people again. And they have been there for us every step of the way... good and bad... to once again encourage us, answer questions, and connect us to other people on this same journey. Real people who just genuinely cared, without an agenda or expectation of anything in return. And with their help, we became number #252 on February 12, 2012. It's been quite a journey, but our church would not be what it is without their help, love, and support. Honestly, I would not be the person I am today without their leadership and authentic love for us! And three years later, we are still growing, thriving, and seeing hundreds of people say "yes" to Jesus and an eternity through our church. Hundreds of people who walk in our doors broken and lost, and walk out filled with hope, restored, and wanting to share this newfound love with others.

Today we are taking a quick trip to Birmingham for the dedication of the new ARC office building, named after the founder of this great organization. The Billy Hornsby Center for Church Planting will see hundreds thousands more church planters come through its doors to be trained, equipped, and sent out in the coming years. And with every church planter, and every new church, I am reminded that there is still so much hope in the world. As a younger generation re-discovers the Gospel, or gets introduced it for the first time, and learns to live a life of generosity, integrity, honor, love, and so much more; for them to find that they are made on a purpose and for a purpose; for others to realize that there is so much more to live this life for than just ourselves- hope springs forth anew. And so I cannot watch the news and be depressed. Sure, there are things that sadden me, and there always will be. I will always have compassion and hurt for the brokenhearted. But I will continue to keep in mind that He isn't finished yet, and His promises are always true, and never broken. 

Today as well celebrate, I am so incredibly honored, proud, and humbled to be #252. I am in awe of what God can do through an ordinary person who just decided that living selfishly and doing life her way was not fulfilling (and wasn't working), and so she said "yes" to what seemed to be a crazy dream of her husband. I am amazed by a God who promises that your past can be left behind and you can be a new creation in Him. He knew my sins and my path and gave me a husband, children, and partnered me in a ministry that I do not (nor ever will) deserve. He makes all things new, and these 500 churches are just the start of the newness that is cropping up all over the country. And they're only getting started...

[Galatians 6:9] Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

"I See a Church..."

My heart could burst this morning. Here lately, I have felt the nudge to get on this blog a little bit more often, not just to keep this up as a personal journal about my family's adventures, but to write a little more often about how to do this whole motherhood thing in a way that is God-honoring. How to better pour the Word into our kids, and how to really make it worship. For the longest time I could never really pinpoint where I wanted this to go or what I wanted it to be about (particularly because it was started purely just to keep my family updated on what our family has been up to), and lately I have just felt in my heart that this is the direction I'm supposed to go. The thing is, nobody ever feels worthy enough to try and lead people in this way. I mean, I mess up DAILY. I have times when I feel like I'm knocking it out of the park, routinely getting up early and spending time with God before having to do all of my mommy duties (and honestly therefore doing them better because of a more joyful attitude), and then I have those nights when I lay down and wonder what I did all day. I think I just came to the realization that even if I did get up at 5am every single day, and even if I did read my Bible every single morning, and even if I was the most consistent, self-disciplined woman in the world, I would still have nights like that. And to be honest, no matter how hard I try, I guarantee there are going to be days where I would rather choose (and probably still will) to sit on the couch and watch  mindless TV shows instead of actively investing in and leading my children. I just really hope that over time that happens less and less. I want first and foremost what I do at home to matter, and if I can help other moms along the way find the joy in the Lord through their own journey, then I want to be a vehicle to help them, too. Even if I sometimes don't get it perfect myself.

But back to my heart bursting...

Last night I heard Josh and Jacob talking up in Josh's office. This is not a rare thing, as Jake really loves to go sit up there with Daddy and pretends to do work. But this time it sounded different. Jake was speaking with a different rhythm in his voice, and as I walked up the stairs a bit, it sounded like he was... well... preaching.  And then I heard him say, "I see a church..."

Jake has rarely sat in "big church" with me to listen to his daddy preach. He is usually back in our (awesome) kids' ministry having his own lesson, but does see glimpses of his sermons from time to time via web videos or non-Sunday morning events, like our volunteer rallies or times of prayer. On our three-year-anniversary, Josh preached a message about the church that he sees, and he used this "I see a church" phrase repeatedly. It would give you chills if you listened to it. But the crazy thing is, Jake wasn't in there, nor do I think that he has ever seen that message, and if he has, it would have been a super short snippet. But on a day when I wonder if what we do at home matters, and if we are leading our children in the right direction, and if they will end up following God and developing a faith of their own, God gave us a moment that I will cherish forever. God let us know loud and clear that it's more about what we do, and how we live our daily lives, than it is about what we tell him to do. We ccan teach him right from wrong all we want, or we can live for Him, so that He will also live to serve and love God by our example. On his daddy's podcast microphone, up in his daddy's office, this little five-year-old boy of ours preached his very first sermon, with no help from either one of us. God can use anyone to speak to us. And thanks to my little boy, my feelings have been confirmed. I don't get it right all the time, but we sure do the best we can.

I hope you enjoy this as much as we have and I hope the link works! I may have to try and upload it differently if it causes any problems:

Click here to listen to Jake's Sermon

And if you want to hear Josh's version, or any of his messages actually, you can download our new handy-dandy TurningPoint Church app! I particularly recommend last weekend's message!

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/turningpoint-church-app/id610741417?mt=8

Five on Friday: Pastor's Kid Edition

It's been awhile since I shared some of the silly things our kids say, so I'm gonna try and get back to it. With our kids growing up immersed in all things church and God's word and prayer and community, it's really funny to hear some of their thoughts, questions, and observations sometimes. I do feel like we do a pretty good job of making sure family comes first, and we know that our actions speak louder than our words, so we talk a lot about what God is doing in our lives, pray together regularly, and try to explain things to them from a Biblical view. We don't always get it right, but that's where grace comes into play thankfully. So here are a few funnies from our two silly pastor's kids:

one.

Jake was scared one night so Josh went up to make sure he was okay. He explained to him that when he gets scared, he just needs to remember that Jesus is always with him. Jake asked him where Jesus was and Josh explained that Jesus lives in his heart, and he only needs to look there to find him. Jake looked down at his chest and then back at Josh with a concerned look at his face. He then said, "Daddy, I don't think Jesus lives in my heart. He probably lives in my closet."

two.

Lately the kids have been learning about how God made the earth, the sky, the animals, humans, etc. At random, one of them will ask us if God made a certain toy or a TV show or a certain person… stuff like that. The other day Jake looked at me completely serious and asked, "Mommy, did God make poop?" That one I was not prepared for.

three.

One of the worship songs we sing at church is "Your Presence is Heaven to Me." Jake and Lilly both sing the chorus, "Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, your presents are heaven to me." That works, too.

four.

Jake is testing out his vocabulary and trying to figure out what words he can get away with saying and what words are off-limits. Thankfully the bad words are pretty mild, such as stupid, butt, etc. He has always called his… er… boy part a "ting-ting" (thanks to a hilarious comedy sketch that Josh and I both love) and one day he threw that out there to see if he could call someone that. I found myself telling Jake to "not say ting-ting" several times that day. Later we were driving over to the church for an evening service and he got a mischievous grin on his face. "Mommy," he said, "I'm going to say 'ting-ting at church." I really need to learn how to reprimand my child without laughing sometimes!

five.

While we are in service, Jake and Lilly are both back in our KidzPoint ministry where they have their own age-appropriate worship and lessons with some phenomenal leaders. Upon picking Jake up one week, the gals in the preschool room informed me that after teaching the kids about the story of Joseph being thrown into a pit and then sold into slavery by his brothers, Jake told the whole class that "Daddy threw Mommy into a pit once." Yeah… I have no idea!  That kid kills me.

More than anything, we just want our kids to grow up loving the local church, and knowing that they are loved by their church family. We work really hard and they are often with us, but we play hard, too. I just pray that each of them comes to know Jesus in a real, tangible way as they grow up, so that they are not relying on the faith of their parents, but come to have a true faith of their own. As parents, all we can do is lead with our actions and our words, and pray our faces off for them to follow Jesus with all they are. And between the two of them, we may just have a future preacher and a worship leader on our hands. Either way, they are our little world changers!

Jake at age 3 (about a year ago). Sorry for the poor video quality… 
and you have to get past some crazy gibberish to get to the good stuff:

Lilly, age 22 months (also about a year ago). Time, please slow down!:

The Divine Root Canal - Part I

Yes, you read that right… I just used the words "divine" and "root canal" in the same sentence. This morning, I spent two and a half hours laying on my back and getting my tooth drilled to bits, and it was, in a word, divine. Well, mostly. It took a few painful pricks to get the novocaine level correct, but once that was under control it actually turned out to be a rather good experience. Aside from my jaw being cranked open (from which I am still sore) and some sounds that made the hair on my arms stand on end, I actually rather enjoyed the experience.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I had a fair amount of nitrous oxide running through my nose? Yeah, that helped. In fact, I don't think I have been that relaxed since becoming a mom… massages are great but certainly do not relax a person to that level! I had my earphones in, and worship music playing at full blast. Sure, I felt the pressure and rooting around going on in my mouth, but I closed by eyes and let my body sink into that chair… and then I just… prayed.

I think I have always been a bit of an unconventional pray-er. Like most people, I pray before meals and I pray before bed (often falling asleep in the middle), but my really good prayers are usually when I'm driving down the road, talking out loud to God as if He was in the car, or running down the road, praising Him for giving me a body that can move that way. I love to swim laps, simply because the stillness under the water takes the distractions of the world away and I feel like I can hear myself think and form my thoughts into prayer. And when my babies were newborns, it was during those wee hours of the morning when I was doing night-feeds, sleep-deprived and weary. It's these moments when I can find a little bit of isolation, quiet, peace, and stillness, that don't come around often now that I have two rambunctious children under three… and today, with the help of something very unconventional, I found my quiet, prayed a lot, and felt His presence and goodness wash over me… all during a root canal!

I think there are certain moments of clarity in a person's life, when the things that they have been internally debating get definitive answers. I can't really explain it, but today I felt it, and it's been awhile. And oddly enough, it was very much all related to this blog. Maybe you've noticed and maybe you don't care, but since last spring I haven't really posted all that much. In fact, I haven't even wanted to, and I think it's because I lost my way as to what I wanted to blog about. What started out as a blog that was primarily about the everyday going-on's of our family was slowly morphing into one that was more ministry-related. And without letting anyone know, I spent a lot of my time worrying about whether that was okay, whether people who read it would stop reading it, whether anything I wrote was any good, but mainly, whether or not I was qualified to put anything related to the Bible out on the Internet. My husband is a preacher, and a darn good one at that, and so I felt that maybe I should leave it to him. I mean, he spends far more time in the Word (as well as countless other books and references) than I do, and if I can't keep up with that pace, then quite frankly I probably shouldn't attempt to minister to anyone at all. Besides, there are thousands of wonderful blogs out there spreading God's word, so why should I bother? These bloggers are all far smarter than me, far more educated in theology, and far more consistent… I am just not cut out to be heading in that direction.

But today as I embedded myself within my cranked-up worship tunes, I was reminded of that old phrase that God does not call the equipped, but He equips the called. I distinctly realized that when my husband was called into ministry, so was I, whether I thought I was ready for it or not! Because of his position, people would be looking to me for spiritual guidance, even though I am not a Bible scholar! In fact, once I made that jump and called myself a Christian, it actually became my responsibility to spread the news of His great love, not keep it to myself! And if you're in that boat, it's actually your calling, too- "equipped" or not! 

And so it was decided… this blog will probably continue to move in that direction, having a heavier ministry focus than I ever intended, but that's just what feels right. And I'm going to stop putting so much unnecessary pressure on myself… if I post once a month or once a day, what does it matter? I just think it's important to write when something is on my heart and I feel I have something worthwhile to share (which has happened a lot lately, but yet I continued to avoid sitting down to write). I do intend to post about the kids and some fun things we do here and there, but I don't think I can avoid this responsibility any longer, and I cannot be afraid of what others think. If people stop reading, so be it. If people think I've become a "religious nut," oh well. Right now in my life I am surrounded by so many people who are hurting, so many who need prayer, so many who have struggles that are too enormous for me to even wrap my brain around, and I realize that worrying about what others think in order to keep this all to myself seems trivial and petty. I love Jesus. I love people. I love seeing the life change and blessings that I have witnessed when a person gets into a right relationship with the Creator. So if that makes me some sort of nut, I'm just going to have to be okay with it.

I guess I just wanted to give my usual (seven or so) readers some sort of fair warning that this chick is going down this road. I've decided that I'm ready to put myself out there, risking any negative feedback that may come with it. Because in the end, I think it's worth it.

Thank you for letting me get that off my chest… call it free therapy if you will. And please know that I do not condone the use of laughing gas to enhance one's prayer life (or any other part of life for that matter)… it just happened to help me today under the circumstances. And seriously, I definitely do not want to try to have a root canal without it! Based on how sore my jaw is, I can only imagine what went on in there! I have a few more thoughts to share later from this dental experience, hence why this is titled "Part I," but I think this is enough crazy insight for one day. Who would have ever thought that all this (and more) could come from a root canal!?!? God really can use anything for His glory!

Pastors' Wives Uncensored - Week 3

Hi all! Instead of having a guest blogger today, you are going to be stuck with me for this week's edition of "Uncensored," whether you like it or not! I knew that I would add my post in at some point, and this week provided a perfect opportunity since I recently got some new found free time, and also because I was greatly reminded of why this role has more blessings than burdens. For those of you who don't know our full story, here's the condensed version... Josh and I met in South Florida while he served as a youth pastor at a church in Fort Lauderdale. After meeting and deciding that South Florida was not a fit for us (nor was being a youth pastor), we moved to northwest Illinois where he was the planting pastor of a satellite campus of a larger church. He had already told me at this point that he wanted to plant a church and since I didn't really know what that meant, it scared me to pieces. The campus pastor experience was what we like to call "church planting on training wheels" as we had the opportunity to start something with the safety net and backing of a larger church supporting us. It was about a year and a half later that we decided to start praying about the church that we would plant somewhere someday and only six months after that when we felt like it was time. Having only visited Lexington, KY a few times to visit my sister and her family, there was something that stirred in both of us that made us want to call the Bluegrass State home. In June 2011 we moved to Lexington to start meeting people and sharing the vision of our church and TurningPoint Church was born on February 12, 2012. We are currently seeing around 500 people come through our doors each weekend, lives being changed, and God move in big ways. It's been an adventure, and I know that the best is still yet to come.

So backing up a little, let me first say that I never thought that I would be a pastor's wife. I know I've shared this before, but I did try to say "no" to our first date because Josh was in ministry. When we met, I was a bit of a party girl and church was not exactly on my list of priorities. But he was persistent (as those of you who know him can attest to) and so I changed my mind and gave him a chance. It did not take long to realize that this was something special and after only 6 weeks (yes, 6!) he proposed and I said "yes." We got married 10 months later and immediately moved to Illinois to be campus pastors. Notice I say campus pastorS, plural. In his mind, this was something that we would do together, and in my mind, this was totally HIS thing and my role was to be a perfect little housewife, work my 9-5 job from home, and help out with the church here and there when needed. Every time he asked for my help I would inwardly complain that he never helped me with MY job, and the church was HIS job, so why should I have to help him?  I was constantly frustrated because he was working all the time and he was constantly frustrated because if I would've just offered to help and taken some easy (mostly administrative) things off of his plate, he could have spent more time at home. This frustration was alleviated a little when Jake was born as all of my time was spent caring for the sweetest face on the planet, but even with 12 weeks of maternity leave, I did not really "get in the game." You could find me at church on Sundays and I reluctantly went to small group once a week, but there was no real buy-in. Church was still something I "had to" do. 

It wasn't until we decided to move to Lexington that church became something that I "wanted" to do. I think in many ways it was less ministry to me and more planning and creating, which works well with my gift set. I was an event planner for a long time, so this role was more in my wheel house. We had Lilly during this time and I felt like a constant failure. Instead of Lilly being an excuse not to help, she was a new addition that was keeping me from helping out more. As a disclaimer, I never resented her and think I enjoyed her as a newborn than I even did with Jake, mainly because those "new mom" worries weren't there. With an 18-month old, a newborn, and a church in the planning phases, however, I did feel a bit run ragged. Instead of being frustrated that Josh worked all the time, I actually encouraged him to work more. We had decided that we wanted to do this while the kids were young so that they'd never remember dad missing dinner or working all the time because we wanted to build a place that they would always love and never feel like they were competing with. So when I went to my sister's house for dinner or ran to get groceries, I felt like one big, hot mess. Chances were, I hadn't showered that day, Jake was throwing a tantrum over something or another (he hit the "terrible two's" right around the time that Lilly came along) and I was lugging around the big bucket seat, probably slamming it into things while trying to calm down our son. They were probably imagined, and my sister has since assured me that I did not seem to be a complete disaster, but I felt like I just got those "pity-stares" from people wherever I went. I think I so desperately wanted to appear like I had it all together because I never wanted people to wonder why my husband was not helping more, especially since I was the one who continued to encourage him to have more meetings, meet more people, and get our church up and running. It was exhausting, yes, but I have no regrets about that. And when Josh was home, he would do double duty, trying to serve me well and spend as much time as he could playing on the floor with the kids, doing bath time and bed time duty, reading books, and just loving on them. I honestly don't know how he managed it all, but we had known that we would have this "busy" season when they were young, so that we could have more time to make memories with them when they would actually be old enough to make memories.

The church started around the same time that I went back to work. Managing two kids, my full-time job, and running the kids' ministry was a huge undertaking, but I feel like even though we were running around like crazy people, we figured out how to sustain that pace, at least for a short while. At this point we were running a sprint, and ministry is a marathon. Thankfully when I was about to burn out someone came along who was a good fit to take over the kids' ministry and things balanced out a little bit more. I took a break from serving all together, and a couple of months later I decided to just volunteer in the toddler room at one service and as a greeter at another in an effort to find my "sweet spot," which we're still figuring out (but honing in on by the way). 

Two weeks ago I went to the ARC Conference with Josh where we heard some of the greatest speakers in ministry teach on church planting, leadership, and ministry. On our long drive home we talked about what role I would have in our church in the future and how we can start preparing for that now. It was decided that I was going to take some time to learn all areas of ministry, so that I could see the nuts and bolts of the entire organization so that I would have a great base knowledge when that time came. The conference really had an impact on me, where I moved well past the "have to" do church, and the "want to" did not just turn into "get to" but "need to." I saw our city in a whole new light, watched the news and saw the darkness of our world and clung to the knowledge that Jesus and His love is the hope for this world. I left there needing to dive in, needing to help, needing to serve alongside my husband, maybe not as a lead pastor, but in a capacity that fits what I was made to do. We always teach "you were created on purpose and for a purpose," but until that ride home, they were just words that we say and they didn't apply for me. It was on that drive home that I realized that God has a mission for me, a purpose that He has set me apart to do, and I need to seek Him and listen so that I can fulfill that calling. I will be honest and say that I'm not entirely sure what it is yet, but I do know that it's time to "get in the game." I need to be a bigger part of His church.

If anything, me losing my job this week was confirmation of that. I don't feel like I was "let go" from my job, but rather "released." Whenever anything is released, the animal, person, or whatever generally charges out of there, ready to conquer whatever is next. It's only been three days and I'm still not sure what this all means for me or for our family, but I do know that God has closed that door so that I can shift my focus to some things that He's been calling me to do. I still may work, we just don't know, but this in-between time is being used to restore my spirit, quiet my mind, and prepare my heart for whatever is to come next. I've never been more excited, which seems like an odd reaction to a lay-off.

So here is what I will say about being married to ministry... it's hard sometimes, really hard. In fact, there are days that my husband comes home feeling like he was the community garbage dump as people pour out their problems to him. Don't get me wrong, that is his heart and what he's there for, truly to be a pastor to those who need him, but it can be draining at times. Then he comes home weary to a wife and kids who need him, and on some days he's just spent. When frustration wells up in me, my biggest struggle is with guilt. My husband is tired from doing ministry, from building the kingdom, and who am I to get frustrated with that when I see how important this mission is? I should be honored to be a part of this and yet, sometimes I just want him all to myself! And then I remember that God values our marriage, too, and that guilt goes away, and I know it's okay to want him all to myself sometimes. It took awhile, but we've found our rhythm and hit our stride, and do more together than we do apart. I say this now knowing that in a month we will have to readjust to find the rhythm again as it is ever-changing as our church grows, and hopefully always will be. 

The question I get the most is, "isn't it hard having everyone in your business?" and to that I say, "absolutely not." As much as Facebook sometimes annoys me, it's a great way for us to connect to our church family and let them into ours. This blog is another place for me to do that, to share our hearts and our happenings. If we truly are a family, then we have to put ourselves out there sometimes. Granted, we have our boundaries and family rules such as when we will and will not take phone calls, visitors, etc., but it's only by letting people in that you let love in. Yes, it can be hard and yes, we have been burned by this before. There are people (although it's few and far between) that try to use our friendship for their own agenda or have some misguided intentions, but the blessings FAR outweigh the hurts. I think back to Jake's baby shower in that small town in Illinois. I kid you not, over fifty people showed up! It was crazy! And all of them just wanted to celebrate our joy with us! And then when I was hospitalized with a blood clot, which was a super scary and uncertain time for our family, they came in droves to support us. We have been given gift cards and free babysitting by families who want to see our marriage remain healthy and do that as a token of their appreciation. When we have happy news, everyone shares the joy with us, and when times are tough, we divide the hurt. I was compelled to throw my "Uncensored" post in this week because I am in awe of the love that our church family has shown us this past week, and not just our TurningPoint family, but those from our previous church and several friends from other ARC churches. God loves us so much that He doesn't want us to do this alone, and the supportive texts, calls, and emails have healed a broken heart. How can I sit here and have a pity party when God has used this to bring people closer together? I will take my chances on opening up on others and take the occasional hurt from that in order to have this abundance of love, support, and friendship in my life. If you don't have that, I encourage you to go out and find that church family... and don't stop looking until you find the right fit. And don't just stop there... after that step outside of your comfort zone and join a small group, which is where I feel like real relationships and deeper friendships truly happen. And even though that seems like a lot, roll up your sleeves and really get in the game, serving in an area that helps build the kingdom. God loves to grow His family, and His family is such a wonderful thing to be a part of, so don't miss out on being a part of that. Get in the game, let yourself open up, and I promise you, putting yourself out there can be the start of some wonderful changes in your life.

Thanks for letting me open up to you... especially when my posts get this lengthy (which is rare). And thank you for loving our family they way you do. Being married to ministry is truly one of the greatest gifts God has ever given to me, and I can't wait to see how He uses us next!

PS - Can you tell that writing is therapeutic for me?!?!?

Pastor's Wives: Uncensored - Week 2

Sorry this is a day late this week... funny enough, we were out of town at a church planting conference, so ironically the delay is blamed on ministry (although I probably could have done it on time).  This week my friend Jessica is sharing with us. Jessica blogs over at The Parsonage Family, works for MinistryMatters.com, does some freelance writing and editing, and raises her two young daughters (and occassionally a foster child) with her husband Matt. They pastor a Methodist church in the Nashville area, and I love her honesty about the ups and downs of serving in a denominational church, proving that church is not always "one size fits all" and even as a ministry wife, a good fit is important!

 

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Despite the fact that I named my blog "The Parsonage Family," I rarely write about pastor's-wife issues. That's because, for most of the time I’ve been a pastor’s wife (going on seven years), I’ve been pretty disgruntled about it, and found it hard to write about without being really negative and cynical.

Unlike Kim, I wasn’t turned off at all by the idea of dating a pastor/pastor-to-be. Matt was working in youth ministry when we met on our first night of orientation at Vanderbilt Divinity School. Being a religion major in college, and going on to study religion in grad school, I already had a notion of hoping to marry a man preparing to be either a pastor or professor. My parents told me to hang out next door at the Law School, but I liked spiritual, scholarly types, and knew there was a good chance of getting my MRS at the same place I was getting my MTS (Master of Theological Studies).

Despite having notions of marrying a pastor, I was not prepared for the actual reality of being married into the ministry, especially in the United Methodist Church, where pastors are assigned to churches within a certain geographic area, and matching up open churches and pastors desiring a move takes precedence over finding a “good fit” between church and pastor. So, I’ve felt a lot of frustration over not getting to choose where I worship, where we live (during our parsonage days), and just in general not getting to be a “normal” congregant. Not to mention all the usual stresses that go along with life in ministry. I found these statistics telling:

Did you know that 75% of pastors report a "significant stress-related crisis" at least once in their ministry? That 56% of pastor's wives say they have no close friends? That 33% of pastors say being in ministry is "an outright hazard to their families”? (Source: a post on Eugene Cho's blog, in a post called "Death by Ministry.")

I guess we’re lucky, in a way, that my husband experienced his “significant stress-related crisis” early in his ministry. I hope that, years from now, we will look back on that period of time as the worst time in our marriage (i.e. I hope we never experience anything worse). I’m glad to report we’re two years out of that terrible time now, and I’ve learned at least one thing about coping with the ups and downs of being a pastor’s wife, embodied in my decision of when to become a member of the church my husband serves.

I've known my husband for just shy of ten years. In that time, he has served three churches. I've been members of all three, but my decision to join has looked very different in each case.

In the first church, my new friend/boyfriend was the newly hired youth pastor when we met. I helped out with the youth some on Sunday evenings and for special events and activities, but continued to search for a church "of my own" on Sunday mornings. As we got more serious, however, I wanted to make a church home with this person I hoped to make a life and marriage with, so I came over to his church, got more involved, and eventually joined, around the time we got engaged. 

During our first year of marriage, my new husband was appointed to lead a small church in another town. And because I didn't know any better, and wanted to be a "good little pastor's wife," I joined the church on our very first Sunday. I don't really know if it's true or not, but I assumed that was the expected thing for a clergy spouse to do. Over time, however, I really regretted that decision. That church ended up being a very poor fit for my husband and me, and our time there was largely miserable. On top of all the other frustrations, the fact that I didn't "belong" there (i.e., fit in) was put into even starker relief by the fact that I technically "belonged" (i.e. I was a member).

When we were blessedly moved four years later (remember, in our denomination, that decision isn’t entirely up to us) I was determined not to put myself in such a situation again. So I didn't join on our first Sunday there. Or anytime in our first month there. No one said a word about it to me, though one older lady did ask my husband who they should "write to" about my membership, and my husband liked to tease me that until I joined another church, my membership would still be at our dreaded former church.

I waited more than five months before joining our new church. I had gotten to know the people. I had gotten involved. I had joined the choir. I felt like I belonged. And only then was the time right to make my "belonging" official.

When I went forward, I chose to say a few words to the congregation, explaining why I had waited:

"The pastor's spouse is often expected to join the church on the very first Sunday there. To me, that feels a little like getting engaged on your very first date. I wanted to wait until I got to know this church better to make my membership official. So now, after five months, I have come to know and love this church, and would like to join"

Three wonderful women actually got up out of their seats to come stand around me as I took the membership vows. We hugged, and I really felt they were not just church members, but my church family. People told me later that, knowing my reasoning, it meant more to them that I wanted to be a part of the church. And it meant a lot more to me, too.

Pastor's Wives Uncensored: Week 1

Soooo, last week I told you that I was putting together a little series, compiling some stories from other women who are married to ministry. What I did not realize, however, was that the response from these ladies has been overwhelming!!!! I would send a quick note to ask them to participate and within minutes I'd recieve a resounding "YES!" from them, so I look forward to what these next few weeks (or months... who knows at this rate!) are going to look like.

 

Our guinea-pig of all of this you may remember from our "Reflections" series we did last spring and summer. Brittany and I worked together at our church in Small Town, Illinois, and even though that season ended way-too-soon, our friendship will last a lifetime. She's someone I can call when I feel like we have way too much on our plates and I can't think straight, and I am proud to have her as a prayer partner. And even though 'thou shalt not envy,' I seriously covet her sense of style... not just for her but for her entire family. They look like they come straight out of a magazine spread! She does a weekly recap of the messages at her church over at Daughter...Wife... Mom.... Sis.

But anyway, enough from me since you get me all the time... here are the words from Brittany: uncensored:

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I’m super excited to be sharing this week on Kim’s blog as she opens up a series entitled “Pastor’s Wives Uncensored.”  Kim is a standout wife, momma, and friend!  And I’m super thankful to have her in my life!

My name is Brittany Neal and I’m married to one amazingly, HOT, awesome man named Jon Neal.  We have some seriously CUTE kids, if I do say so myself!  Max is 7, Lyrik is 5, and Jayda is 2.  We are currently serving on staff at LifeChurch in Danville, IL.  My father-in-law is the lead pastor and Jon and I serve alongside of him and my amazing mom-in-law.  THEY ROCK!!!! And we are honored to be serving in God’s house – it is a PRIVILEGE!!!

Normal?  What is normal??  What does a NORMAL pastor and his family’s life look like? This word, normal, seriously makes me CHUCKLE OUT LOUD!!!

According to the dictionary, the definition of normal is:

‘Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected’

Well, I can assure you…this Pastor’s wife, is FAR FROM NORMAL!!!  (If the photo of our family doesn’t give that away I don’t know what would…ha!) but with us being far from normal, I think we are closer to normal than what you might imagine…does that even make sense? 

Although we have a super crazy, demanding schedule most weeks, who doesn’t?  Jon and I enjoy going out to dinner, our boys love the park and playing sports, and Jayda loves anything DORA at the moment.  The ministry is our life – we live it and breath it!  We don’t know anything different, but that doesn’t make us weird, better than, or holier than thou.  We purpose to keep God at the center of everything that we do and through that we find balance!  And let me just say…we miss it some days!  We run late to school in the morning, our kids embarrass the heck out of us back in kids life at church, Jayda watches WAY TOO MUCH TV on some days (well maybe a few more than some), Jon and I fight about who is watching what on the TV, our boys say bad words occasionally, and the list could go ON AND ON AND ON!!!  I am a Pastor’s wife and this doesn’t make my life any different than the next person!  It may be wrapped differently, but we are all on this journey called life and we are all called!  We are called to grow in Him and we are called to pursue His purpose and plan for our lives! 

So, I’d like to say that we are far from normal and I’m more than okay with that!  I don’t want to be known for “conforming to the standard,” and I don’t want to be known as “typical” or “usual.”  God has called each and every one of us to be set apart and DIFFERENT so that we can bring glory to His name!  I love that when He created us He gave us each something unique and special so that we could transform our worlds.  I’m honored that He chose each of us…we are all chosen and called, we just have to be willing to accept the call!  Trust me, there are days when I question and ask, “why couldn’t I have gotten an easier job,” but does that even exist? 

I say all of that to say, I’m pretty certain normal is simply what you make it!  Purpose to live a life that is constantly in pursuit of God and His plans for your life.  No matter the call, if we are willing…HE WILL USE US!  Ultimately, that is where His Kingdom is advanced and glorified to the fullest!

Pastor's Wives: Uncensored

Intrigued? I've had it on my heart to do a fun little series for awhile, and now that Easter has passed, those of us in ministry families have a little bit more free time. Just like any profession, we have a "busy" season and a "slow" season, although to be honest it's never slow in ministry, and I'm going to take advantage of some freed up time to get this going.

So what's the idea behind the series, you wonder? I'm not sure about you, but growing up in church I don't remember much about the pastor's wife. From what I do remember (or maybe just assumed), she was an older woman who may have played the organ or sung in the church choir, someone who really did not speak out much and was more of a figure standing piously next to her husband. Let's just say that based on these images, I was not excited (and even tried to say "no" to our first date) about possibly marrying into ministry. But instead, what I have found, is that the other wives that I have been surrounded by have been some of the most real, authentic, genuine, and downright cool women that I have ever met, and I am so thankful and honored to be able to call them friends. With this in mind, I thought it might be fun to get into some of their heads and break down some of the stereotypes that people create for us. It's not uncommon for me to hit it off with someone until they find out what my hubby does (and therefore I do) and all of the sudden shut down, more than likely as they mentally try and recall whether or not they have cursed during our conversation. Newsflash: I have heard many curse wods in my life, and in fact, had periods in my life where I used them more than I'd like to admit (gasp!). And while it's a personal choice not to use that language any more, one has been known to slip out when, say, my car begins to hydroplane on a wet road or I bang my knee into the coffee table. It's the things like this, as well as bigger things, that we're gonna go after.

So I hope you enjoy the next few Thursdays as I have some guest bloggers joining me. Leading off with by one of my best friends on the planet, Brittany, who you may remember from the Reflections series we did awhile back. I'll post eventually, too, but thought it might be fun to mix it up for a bit. So tune in next week for week one and a fresh perspective from some great gals who married into ministry. I look forward to reading these and hope you do, too!