California Dreamin'

To kick off all of my traveling recaps, I'll start with Josh's and my trip to California. Before I get into that though, the whole trip came about from just one of the cool ways that God works. When Josh and I got married, we did not have time for a honeymoon because we had to be in Illinois for full-time ministry by the following weekend. Sure we had a "mini-moon,"but it wasn't the trip we had hoped for, which probably would have been somewhere in the mountains to include some adventure-type travel. We lived in Fort Lauderdale at the time, so neither one of us wanted to go somewhere to lay on a beach, so we were looking into places like Colorado and Alaska before we realized it wasn't going to happen.  Since then we have been saying that we'd do our big make-up honeymoon at the five-year mark. Well… as five years approached, both of us had been too busy to really plan anything, and we have been really tightened up our budgeting and spending, so neither one of us had really put much thought or effort into making this happen. Ministry has given us a wonderful life and a ton of blessings, but it can become all-consuming sometimes.  Then, out of the blue, an anonymous donor gifted us a trip. I know… crazy, right? Stuff like that just doesn't happen! But that's not even the cool part. When we were sent the details, we realized that the trip fell directly ON our fifth year anniversary and was literally titled "the Husband-Wife Adventure" in the mountains of northern California. I know God is always working, but my favorite times are when He does something to blatantly obvious that you can't help but be in awe of His goodness. And I think it goes to show that God really cares about our marriages.  We are fortunate to be tied in with ARC, which is an organization that cares more about the health of our family than the size of our church or the number of programs we have, and things like this trip make me realize that their priorities are like God's. No family should be sacrificed on the altar of a ministry or a church, but unfortunately it happens a lot. I am thankful that we are very much covered in prayer and people who invest in us to make sure we maintain a healthy home life, and from that our ministry can spring forth and grow.

But I'm getting away from where this is all going… that was a bit of a tangent that I didn't mean to spend much time on… so back to California.

We didn't know much about the trip, but we knew we were staying at Scott River Lodge, which is tied into the programming of JH Ranch, a Christian camp in the Pacific Northwest. Beyond that, and after looking at the website, we were still pretty unclear about everything we would be doing. They sent us a packing list and a  few questionnaires to fill out and then we boarded a plane and headed west. 

The trip started out a bit funny, since the staff had told us to stop and get dinner before we came, and the place to do this would probably be Yreka, since we were driving down from Oregon. What they should have said was that Yreka is your last chance to get something to eat, but it probably wasn't the best option. It was a Sunday and the town was not only tiny, but completely shut down. It was kind of eerie actually. We found an antique shop that was open and ended up talking to a man who spent forty minutes telling us the history of the town and about how the building we were in was literally sitting on a gold-mine. Under our feet was millions of dollar in unmined gold.  Kind of crazy. And the store and the things in it were kind of crazy as well.

Downtown Yreka, CA

I guess this would be considered an antique?!?

Out back… a replica of what the town used to look like… complete with creepy mannequins.

It was an experience, that's for sure. I'm not thinking we'll ever make a trip back to the bustling city of Yreka, but we did learn a lot of very interesting history surrounding the California gold rush. But we were definitely ready to get on our way and start our week at the lodge!

I think the website keeps things a bit vague, because the week was full of surprises! I won't spoil them all here, but maybe the best surprise to us was that you actually end up doing a lot with a group of other couples. This may not sound like fun to some of you, but for us, it was a blast to get to connect with other couples, make friends, and hang out. We love traveling together, but we love traveling with friends or family even more, and this was just a neat twist on that. And they want to make sure you bond right away, so here is what day one looked like:

Our group… and some new great friends! 

30 Feet up. Scared? No… I'm just hugging that pole to, um, stabilize the structure. Yeah.

Zipline!!

Gearing up to climb a 50 foot pole, stand on top of it, and jump off to grab a trapeze that's 7 feet up and 7 feet out.
No big deal.

Up I go!

Ok, you caught me. That's not me. The top of the pole is as far as I got… twice.
Kim is a wee bit scared of heights.

Here is what the entire process looks like as demonstrated by my fearless husband. Most of the group tried this and did it successfully. I was a little upset with myself the first go-around for not trying to stand on the pole, so I tried again. The second time, I was fully committed and comfortable with my decision to not do this craziness! Climbing to the top and being lowered down was enough for me!

The rest of the week involved activities closer to the ground, aside from one other day of tower climbing and a giant swing. I may have not jumped off that pole, but I am happy to say that I did make it to the top of the alpine tower. For me, that's a pretty big deal. And I think my husband found a little too much joy in my sheer terror / joy on the appropriately named "Screaming Eagle," considering that he felt the need to post it to his Instagram account!

The only group activity I don't have a picture of was the white-water rafting, which is unfortunate since it has got to be one of the most scenic rivers in the US. We even saw a bald eagle in the wild… as well as some pretty interesting characters panning for gold. Each morning we had worship and a short session designed to help make our marriage stronger. Each afternoon we could grab a mountain bike, find a trail head, go down to the river to fly fish or lay on the beach, take a nap in our luxurious room, read in the beautiful library, each homemade ice cream and other yummy treats, sit in the hot tub overlooking the mountains, and/or just truly relax and enjoy one-on-one time with each other without the distractions of taking care of kids, doing laundry, the phone ringing (we were thankful for very limited cell service), etc. Each night was pretty low-key with a few fun games and even salsa lessons thrown in. It was beyond anything we could have expected.

That ice cream cone is just the tip of the iceberg. As amazing as the trip was, I can honestly say that my most favorite part might have been the FOOD! For starters, the lodge is almost completely self-sustained, even generating its own power, so most meals were made from farm-fresh vegetables, eggs, and livestock. The farm staff even rescued two little orphans while we were there, which we got to hold! They were incredibly sweet!

And their chef, Terri, is truly a culinary genius. Every meal was five-star quality and so bursting with flavors that even foods I would normally not try, so I had all kinds of fish, duck, lamb chops, figs, kale and brussel sprouts, you name it. We had a Mexican-themed night where all of the salsas, guacamoles, and tortillas were made in house, and a gourmet breakfast was delivered to our room every morning so we could enjoy it on the balcony with picturesque views. One of the buffets I would literally consider the best meal I have ever eaten in my entire life. Hands down. I would go back for the culinary experience alone and I am far from any sort of "foodie." I felt like a dork taking so many pictures of my meals, but it really just had to be done!

Marscipone with cream and strawberries… my favorite part of breakfast!

Churros and chocolate!

A beautiful summer picnic in the middle of the mountains

Not your typical picnic food… paninis with ham, brie, and caramelized onions, kale chips, wild orzo, and "red velvet" beet cupcakes. Yes, BEET cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. And they were incredibly delicious!

Fresh salsas served in flower pots. Loved it!

Shrimp, fish, pork, steak, even tuna tar tar for your tacos. This is what heaven looks like.

Presentation is everything. Even the "decor" like the corn in the back was edible!

The best meal I have ever eaten in my whole life. Hands down. And this picture does not do it justice!

Our last breakfast. Homemade scones and berries with homemade, fresh lemoncello yogurt.

I am a sucker for eggs benedict. Especially when they are this perfect!

Hungry yet? This is by no means a food blog, but I would LOVE to be able to make things that are even half this good!

Josh and I were definitely blessed by our week in the mountains and the ministry of JH Ranch, and it's something we'll talk about for years to come. Our children are still young, but we're already talking about saving up so that our kids can go with one of us when they turn 13, kind of like a rite of passage for them, because we believe in what they teach that much. We got to talk to some of the dads who were there with their daughters, and all of them said that it was the hardest week of their life, but also one of the best, and that they were able to breakthrough with their teenager in a new way. We are not there in our parenting years yet, but I can only imagine what that must be like based on the teenager that I was!

By far though, this place was so special and our week was so amazing because of the people who serve at the ranch. The staff of college-aged girls who took care of us at the lodge were the sweetest, most genuine, humble women who were all spending their summer seeking out what God wants for them through serving others. It's the whole core principle to what Jesus taught. Midway through our week we found out that they don't get paid, and that all staff apply and interview for a volunteer position, from the camp counselors to the lifeguards to the kitchen staff even! I was so amazed to learn this, and because of it, their hearts for God and for serving others certainly shined through. It was not a job to any of them, but rather a privilege, and if I could have taken all of them home with us I would have! And our facilitators, David and Terri Sumlin, well, they took our week to a whole new level. They helped our group become very close very quickly, were incredibly open and honest about the struggles they have had and how they have overcome some pretty major stuff, and are just two of the nicest, most fun people you'd ever meet. WE were blessed to find out that they will be in Knoxville throughout the winter months of next year, so we have invited them to come up and share their wealth of knowledge with our church family this fall. I am beyond excited. Josh and I came home from this in agreement that this was one of the best things we've ever done, not just as a couple, but in life in general. If you are looking for an amazing way to spend a vacation with your spouse that's more than a vacation (since you learn so much!), or if a JH Ranch Marriage Outback ever comes to your neck of the woods, I would highly recommend it. Best. Week. Ever.

Our Marriage Is...

Today we celebrate only four years of marriage. I say only four because when Josh and I discussed this the other day, we both gasped in disbelief that it's only been four years... not because it's been a long, unbearable four years, but because not only has it been incredibly happy and full of abundant blessings, but it has also been so non-stop! In four years of marriage we have lived in three states, given birth to two babies, and planted two churches! We have seen our church plant thrive and grow, we have experienced the loss of my job, and have met more incredible people that we call friends than I could ever ask for. We've lost a few loved ones, traveled to see family all over the place, and spoken into the lives of many future church planters through teaching opportunities with the ARC. If this is what we can accomplish in four years together, there is no telling what more there is to come. We are definitely better together, and I think these past four years shows us that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

When looking back on all of this, I think about that woman who stood at the altar four years ago and I'm amazed at how much she has changed. Granted, Josh married me for many reasons, so I am obviously the same woman he chose in hundreds of ways, but in so many BIG ways I am so much different. There are things that I never thought I'd do (marry a pastor for one, and move back to Kentucky for another!), challenges I would have never thought I'd tackle, and risks that I would never imagine taking. The biggest rewards in my life has been through these big, unexpected risks, and I thank God for bringing this man into my life, knowing that he was the man I needed to take me on this adventure. With him at my side I have come to understand who I am in Christ more than ever before, feel the overwhelming awesomeness of God's love for me, but most importantly, my eyes have been opened to the fact that I was created on purpose and for a purpose, and my purpose in life is unique to only me. I am useful not because I have a college degree and a career I could pursue, but I am useful to God to grow His kingdom, show kindness, love people, and serve others. I'm not saying that I would've never learned those things if I hadn't met Josh, but I certainly was not on a path in that was taking me that direction before our paths collided. There are so many wonderful things that this marriage has given me, so four years in, here are just a few things that make me smile about it. 

On our fourth anniversary, our marriage is:

• One that doesn't take much work, but it does take scheduling. Our lives are busy and full with two small children and a growing church, so carving out "us-time" is something we've committed to and become really good about. I know it makes a difference.
• Full of laughter... whether it's at each other or at the kids (and it's usually the kid), there are giggles and squeals all the time. There is nobody on the planet that knows how to make me laugh like Josh can, even when I'm trying to be mad about something and don't want to! It drives me nuts!
• Strong. Before we said "I Do," we promised each other that we would never allow ourselves to be in conversations that dishonor one another or publicly cut down each other. Even harmless, sarcastic jokes can sometimes hurt, and so we try to keep that at a minimum. At times it is appropriate to rib on each other in certain circles, but we can now both gauge when those times are appropriate and when they are not. We are a team and present ourselves as a united front and it's always nice to know that we've got each other's backs.
• Based on being best friends. I seriously love waking up to this man every day and cannot imagine my life without him. We often find ourselves bored with no plans, but it's honestly because just hanging out at home with each other is enough for us. 
• Full of challenge- not in an "our marriage is challenging" kind of way, but in a "you could do more" kind of way. If I say, "I should write a book," Josh's response is, "well what are you waiting for?" If he says, "I could probably finish and IronMan," I tell him, "then go do it!" You have to be careful what you suggest around here because big dreams that need to be followed are strongly encouraged. That's why I said "yes" to his dream of planting our church (which was huge for me!) and why we continue to come up with new dreams to see the world become a better place. I hope that is something that carries down into our parenting, too.
• Not without our differences. Especially in parenting, we disagree on things just as everyone does. Finding the right discipline for our children is tough, and sometimes we disagree on their future schooling or activities, even though we're not making those decisions quite yet. People disagree- that's a fact, so no marriage is immune to that. We have house rules for how we handle conflict and I think we do great at solving things without fighting, raising our voices, cutting each other down, or making a small conflict into a bigger fight about something different. Conflict is actually healthy and for us it produces a lot of great conversations where we consider different things that we may not have considered before. And whatever we agree on, we stick to that, again being a united front and keeping our "team" strong.
• Fun! Our family still has impromptu dance parties, pizza and movie night on the living room carpet, and will randomly pack up and go on some sort of local adventure to keep things interesting. We're about to leave for the beach, and I know that will be filled with fun!
• More than I ever thought it would be. Sure, I played "house" growing up and always wanted to be a wife and a mom, but marriage is more than just having dinner on the table at night (which is good since I'm horrible at that!) and making sure his clothes are washed and put away. In my husband I have a friend, a fan, an encourager, a tear-wiper, a really good hugger, a comic relief, an incredible advice-giver, a great father for our children, a handyman, a cheerleader, a risk taker, a teacher, a listener, a dream-sharer, and the list goes on and on. I am not the woman I am today without that man beside me, and I am really proud of the things that we have already accomplished together. When I made my "wish list" of what my husband and my marriage should be, God laughed at it and responded with I have something better. So if you're out there wondering where your Mr. Right is, just know that he's not "the one" if he doesn't blow your expectations out of the water! I had to wait 27 years to meet him, but it wasn't a moment too soon. And I look forward to spending the next 27 plus years with him by my side. Together I think we really can do anything we set our minds to!

Happy anniversary, Josh. I can't believe it's only been four years! 

Our marriage is... my favorite love story.

Pastors' Wives Uncensored - Week 3

Hi all! Instead of having a guest blogger today, you are going to be stuck with me for this week's edition of "Uncensored," whether you like it or not! I knew that I would add my post in at some point, and this week provided a perfect opportunity since I recently got some new found free time, and also because I was greatly reminded of why this role has more blessings than burdens. For those of you who don't know our full story, here's the condensed version... Josh and I met in South Florida while he served as a youth pastor at a church in Fort Lauderdale. After meeting and deciding that South Florida was not a fit for us (nor was being a youth pastor), we moved to northwest Illinois where he was the planting pastor of a satellite campus of a larger church. He had already told me at this point that he wanted to plant a church and since I didn't really know what that meant, it scared me to pieces. The campus pastor experience was what we like to call "church planting on training wheels" as we had the opportunity to start something with the safety net and backing of a larger church supporting us. It was about a year and a half later that we decided to start praying about the church that we would plant somewhere someday and only six months after that when we felt like it was time. Having only visited Lexington, KY a few times to visit my sister and her family, there was something that stirred in both of us that made us want to call the Bluegrass State home. In June 2011 we moved to Lexington to start meeting people and sharing the vision of our church and TurningPoint Church was born on February 12, 2012. We are currently seeing around 500 people come through our doors each weekend, lives being changed, and God move in big ways. It's been an adventure, and I know that the best is still yet to come.

So backing up a little, let me first say that I never thought that I would be a pastor's wife. I know I've shared this before, but I did try to say "no" to our first date because Josh was in ministry. When we met, I was a bit of a party girl and church was not exactly on my list of priorities. But he was persistent (as those of you who know him can attest to) and so I changed my mind and gave him a chance. It did not take long to realize that this was something special and after only 6 weeks (yes, 6!) he proposed and I said "yes." We got married 10 months later and immediately moved to Illinois to be campus pastors. Notice I say campus pastorS, plural. In his mind, this was something that we would do together, and in my mind, this was totally HIS thing and my role was to be a perfect little housewife, work my 9-5 job from home, and help out with the church here and there when needed. Every time he asked for my help I would inwardly complain that he never helped me with MY job, and the church was HIS job, so why should I have to help him?  I was constantly frustrated because he was working all the time and he was constantly frustrated because if I would've just offered to help and taken some easy (mostly administrative) things off of his plate, he could have spent more time at home. This frustration was alleviated a little when Jake was born as all of my time was spent caring for the sweetest face on the planet, but even with 12 weeks of maternity leave, I did not really "get in the game." You could find me at church on Sundays and I reluctantly went to small group once a week, but there was no real buy-in. Church was still something I "had to" do. 

It wasn't until we decided to move to Lexington that church became something that I "wanted" to do. I think in many ways it was less ministry to me and more planning and creating, which works well with my gift set. I was an event planner for a long time, so this role was more in my wheel house. We had Lilly during this time and I felt like a constant failure. Instead of Lilly being an excuse not to help, she was a new addition that was keeping me from helping out more. As a disclaimer, I never resented her and think I enjoyed her as a newborn than I even did with Jake, mainly because those "new mom" worries weren't there. With an 18-month old, a newborn, and a church in the planning phases, however, I did feel a bit run ragged. Instead of being frustrated that Josh worked all the time, I actually encouraged him to work more. We had decided that we wanted to do this while the kids were young so that they'd never remember dad missing dinner or working all the time because we wanted to build a place that they would always love and never feel like they were competing with. So when I went to my sister's house for dinner or ran to get groceries, I felt like one big, hot mess. Chances were, I hadn't showered that day, Jake was throwing a tantrum over something or another (he hit the "terrible two's" right around the time that Lilly came along) and I was lugging around the big bucket seat, probably slamming it into things while trying to calm down our son. They were probably imagined, and my sister has since assured me that I did not seem to be a complete disaster, but I felt like I just got those "pity-stares" from people wherever I went. I think I so desperately wanted to appear like I had it all together because I never wanted people to wonder why my husband was not helping more, especially since I was the one who continued to encourage him to have more meetings, meet more people, and get our church up and running. It was exhausting, yes, but I have no regrets about that. And when Josh was home, he would do double duty, trying to serve me well and spend as much time as he could playing on the floor with the kids, doing bath time and bed time duty, reading books, and just loving on them. I honestly don't know how he managed it all, but we had known that we would have this "busy" season when they were young, so that we could have more time to make memories with them when they would actually be old enough to make memories.

The church started around the same time that I went back to work. Managing two kids, my full-time job, and running the kids' ministry was a huge undertaking, but I feel like even though we were running around like crazy people, we figured out how to sustain that pace, at least for a short while. At this point we were running a sprint, and ministry is a marathon. Thankfully when I was about to burn out someone came along who was a good fit to take over the kids' ministry and things balanced out a little bit more. I took a break from serving all together, and a couple of months later I decided to just volunteer in the toddler room at one service and as a greeter at another in an effort to find my "sweet spot," which we're still figuring out (but honing in on by the way). 

Two weeks ago I went to the ARC Conference with Josh where we heard some of the greatest speakers in ministry teach on church planting, leadership, and ministry. On our long drive home we talked about what role I would have in our church in the future and how we can start preparing for that now. It was decided that I was going to take some time to learn all areas of ministry, so that I could see the nuts and bolts of the entire organization so that I would have a great base knowledge when that time came. The conference really had an impact on me, where I moved well past the "have to" do church, and the "want to" did not just turn into "get to" but "need to." I saw our city in a whole new light, watched the news and saw the darkness of our world and clung to the knowledge that Jesus and His love is the hope for this world. I left there needing to dive in, needing to help, needing to serve alongside my husband, maybe not as a lead pastor, but in a capacity that fits what I was made to do. We always teach "you were created on purpose and for a purpose," but until that ride home, they were just words that we say and they didn't apply for me. It was on that drive home that I realized that God has a mission for me, a purpose that He has set me apart to do, and I need to seek Him and listen so that I can fulfill that calling. I will be honest and say that I'm not entirely sure what it is yet, but I do know that it's time to "get in the game." I need to be a bigger part of His church.

If anything, me losing my job this week was confirmation of that. I don't feel like I was "let go" from my job, but rather "released." Whenever anything is released, the animal, person, or whatever generally charges out of there, ready to conquer whatever is next. It's only been three days and I'm still not sure what this all means for me or for our family, but I do know that God has closed that door so that I can shift my focus to some things that He's been calling me to do. I still may work, we just don't know, but this in-between time is being used to restore my spirit, quiet my mind, and prepare my heart for whatever is to come next. I've never been more excited, which seems like an odd reaction to a lay-off.

So here is what I will say about being married to ministry... it's hard sometimes, really hard. In fact, there are days that my husband comes home feeling like he was the community garbage dump as people pour out their problems to him. Don't get me wrong, that is his heart and what he's there for, truly to be a pastor to those who need him, but it can be draining at times. Then he comes home weary to a wife and kids who need him, and on some days he's just spent. When frustration wells up in me, my biggest struggle is with guilt. My husband is tired from doing ministry, from building the kingdom, and who am I to get frustrated with that when I see how important this mission is? I should be honored to be a part of this and yet, sometimes I just want him all to myself! And then I remember that God values our marriage, too, and that guilt goes away, and I know it's okay to want him all to myself sometimes. It took awhile, but we've found our rhythm and hit our stride, and do more together than we do apart. I say this now knowing that in a month we will have to readjust to find the rhythm again as it is ever-changing as our church grows, and hopefully always will be. 

The question I get the most is, "isn't it hard having everyone in your business?" and to that I say, "absolutely not." As much as Facebook sometimes annoys me, it's a great way for us to connect to our church family and let them into ours. This blog is another place for me to do that, to share our hearts and our happenings. If we truly are a family, then we have to put ourselves out there sometimes. Granted, we have our boundaries and family rules such as when we will and will not take phone calls, visitors, etc., but it's only by letting people in that you let love in. Yes, it can be hard and yes, we have been burned by this before. There are people (although it's few and far between) that try to use our friendship for their own agenda or have some misguided intentions, but the blessings FAR outweigh the hurts. I think back to Jake's baby shower in that small town in Illinois. I kid you not, over fifty people showed up! It was crazy! And all of them just wanted to celebrate our joy with us! And then when I was hospitalized with a blood clot, which was a super scary and uncertain time for our family, they came in droves to support us. We have been given gift cards and free babysitting by families who want to see our marriage remain healthy and do that as a token of their appreciation. When we have happy news, everyone shares the joy with us, and when times are tough, we divide the hurt. I was compelled to throw my "Uncensored" post in this week because I am in awe of the love that our church family has shown us this past week, and not just our TurningPoint family, but those from our previous church and several friends from other ARC churches. God loves us so much that He doesn't want us to do this alone, and the supportive texts, calls, and emails have healed a broken heart. How can I sit here and have a pity party when God has used this to bring people closer together? I will take my chances on opening up on others and take the occasional hurt from that in order to have this abundance of love, support, and friendship in my life. If you don't have that, I encourage you to go out and find that church family... and don't stop looking until you find the right fit. And don't just stop there... after that step outside of your comfort zone and join a small group, which is where I feel like real relationships and deeper friendships truly happen. And even though that seems like a lot, roll up your sleeves and really get in the game, serving in an area that helps build the kingdom. God loves to grow His family, and His family is such a wonderful thing to be a part of, so don't miss out on being a part of that. Get in the game, let yourself open up, and I promise you, putting yourself out there can be the start of some wonderful changes in your life.

Thanks for letting me open up to you... especially when my posts get this lengthy (which is rare). And thank you for loving our family they way you do. Being married to ministry is truly one of the greatest gifts God has ever given to me, and I can't wait to see how He uses us next!

PS - Can you tell that writing is therapeutic for me?!?!?

You can find me...

Blogging over on the ARC Women site today (just click here)! This week is all about how to be a help rather than a hinderance to your husband when church-planting, but I think the principles can be applied to helping your spouse accomplish whatever his dream may be. Happy reading and have a blessed weekend!

Reflections - Proverbs 31

Well, I survived Lilly's first birthday without tears... amazing, isn't it? My guess is that it's probably due to the fact that I'm still in denial about the whole thing and instead of telling people she's one, I'm just going to respond with "twelve months."

 

"How old is he?"

 

"Forty-eight months."

 

Who can name the movie???

 

Sorry... couldn't resist. But anyway, let's get to it, shall we? Today is all about the Proverbs 31 Woman. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, you can read all about her here, starting at verse 10. And just as a little tip when reading your Bible (since I know it can be intimidating), sites like YouVersion, which is where I directed you, are great because you can read the same passage in different translations. I personally cannot understand what I'm reading in the King James version... all of the thy's and thus's cloud the meaning for me, but it works for some people. And sometimes when I read something even in the New International Version, which is my preference, I still don't quite get the gist of it and switch over to something like The Message, which is a paraphrase of Scripture and reads more like a book. If you want to memorize scripture, this would not be the the version to use for that, but it's a great reference for helping you dig deeper and understanding something that is unclear. Just a sidenote... let's get back to the point, okay?

 

Growing up, I was unfamiliar with the Proverbs 31 woman- or the "wife of noble character" as it reads in the NIV translation. It wasn't even until I got married and actually started studying my Bible that I learned of her, and of course I wanted to know what she was all about since I was a new wife myself. And the farther I got down the page, the more and more inadequate I felt! Sure, some of these things don't seem too difficult... she brings him good, not harm all the days of her life. Okay, check... well, most days anyway. Well wait, if I don't do that all the time, does it count? And as I keep reading, I see that I don't do any of these things all the time! I feel like I provide for my family, but I certainly don't cook every night! And when have I ever bought a field and planted a vineyard? In fact, when have I ever planted anything that actually survived?  I don't sew, I say some pretty dumb stuff from time to time so I certainly do not show wisdom all the time, and as much as I try to work hard, sometimes I do get lazy and let things go. So my question is, have I failed? And that's when I close my Bible and start to really dislike this woman... who does she think she is anyway?

 

I think so many of us feel this way because we misuse this Scripture. Think about the Bible as a whole and what it provides. The Word is a guide-book providing us with so many great instructions on how to live life to it's fullest, serve others, and above all love. I never read my Bible and feel like a total failure- in fact it's quite the opposite. More often than not I read through it and am encouraged, uplifted, and my perspective changes for the better. I want to live a better, fuller, richer life, but I am also aware that I am a work in progress. In fact, the Bible tells me that, too.

 

So why then is Proverbs 31 so different? Well, I think it's because at some point women became so competitive. I'm sure the world of Facebook and blogs doesn't help because we're constantly comparing ourselves to someone else, who we think does it better and "has it all." Let me just tell you that nobody has it all... it's impossible. And not only that, but everyone is made differently, with different talents, gifts, and abilities. I desperately wish that I was a woman who got up before sunrise, had my quiet time, and then spent an hour on some sort of beauty routine and looked presentable and put together all day. I'm currently working on that first and second step, but let me just tell you that I find it exhausting to have perfect hair and make-up all day... I really do! Not to mention that I feel like once it's done, my hair will frizz and my mascara will run in a matter of minutes. There are some girls who are blessed and gifted in this department, and well, I'm trying, okay? Isn't that enough? And why, as women do we do this? Why do we compare ourselves... not only to each other, but to this 31 woman? Comparing will always lead us to failure, but striving toward will always result in positive results. Let's instead see her as a model for us as wives rather than a woman who "has it all." And seeing that we live in modern times that would not necessarily mean spinning wool but rather clothing our families with the resources we were provided, whether that means shopping at Baby Gap or Goodwill, depending on your situation. Some of us have jobs outside the home and bring in an income where others earn our place in the family through serving the family all day long, which is no easy task. As long as we're doing these things diligently and joyfully, I think we strive to be more like this model. Some of us cook elaborate dinners and others, like me, struggle to put something together, but yet still manage to feed our families and keep food in the pantry, and I think that's okay, too. Rather than being so hard on ourselves, let's start encouraging one another, complimenting each other, and how about this... asking each other how we can help? If we all worked together to be the women God wants us to be, what a beautiful thing that would be, right?

 

I was going to end this there today, but my friend Jessica taught me something that I didn't know before yesterday and I love it so much that I just have to share. She learned that in Jewish tradition, Proverbs 31 is treated as a blessing, and husbands recite it to their wives at certain sabbath dinners... how beautiful is that? The Bible says that the devil cannot curse that which is blessed, so imagine if we blessed the wives in this world with these words and treated this as more of a prayer and less of an impossible standard. Wherever you are and however you feel about this, know today that God has placed you where you are for a reason, whether that's in the home or outside of the home, making money or feeling like you're only spending it, and all He expects is for us to strive to always be better, but knows that we're always far from perfect. I pray this blessing on all of you wonderful wives, mothers, and women who read this today.

 

If you have a great post about Proverbs 31, whether it's your own or someone else's that's worth reading, please leave the link in the comments as I'd love to check it out!

Reflections - Accountability

Sorry for not getting this up until today (which goes for Brittany over at Daughter... Wife... Mom... Sis too) but my husband was out of town all week and, well, I wasn't able to accomplish much of anything aside from chasing down two little ones. And Brittany's 4-year-old had his tonsils and adenoids removed yesterday so she's been tending to that and will have her post up late as well.  Life happens, you know? But kudos to Laurel over at Welcome to Deckerville for beating us both to it.  So onto this week's topic, which is accountability:

Friends... we all have them.  Some are friends for a short season and some are friends for life.  Some are friends that you partied with in college or went wild with on spring break, memories that you'd maybe rather forget.  And then others are the ones who console you when you're upset or going through a difficult time, give you advice, and hopefully steer you in a different direction when you're choosing a not-so-great path.  Throughout my life I have had all of these sets of friends, many that are and will be my best friends for life, but if I had to choose one that holds me most accountable, it would have to be my husband (say it together... "awwwwww").  But seriously, since day one, he has been the one who has supported me the most, encouraged me always, and challenged me to be the best version of myself, even when it meant making tough changes in my life that I did not always want to make.  And his baseline measurement for everything?  Scripture.  With every protest I had and every time I thought he was wrong, he opened that book and showed me things I had never seen.  For example, if I got caught in a lie, he would point out that the Bible  It's funny to me now, but looking back on our journey together I can remember how frustrating it could be. To me the Bible was just a book of stories, but to him it was a manual for how to live your life, which is what it is supposed to be. Fast forward to now and it's the same for me and I hope and pray that my children will always view it that way.

But let me back up a bit and give you a little background here.  Josh and I met and had a bit of a whirlwind romance. We were already in our late twenties and were both ready to meet "the one." After one date it was evident to both of us that this was it- and he was even bold enough to tell me that. On date two. Yeah, my husband can be a bit intense.  And because of these feelings he asked me to marry him a mere six weeks after that first meeting. To look back on it, I still think it's a little bit crazy, but it's one of those things that with hindsight being 20/20, I know it was God's timing... because if we hadn't gotten engaged that quickly, we probably would not have made it.  Yes, you read that correctly... because we made a commitment to each other so early on, we decided to work through a lot of things that would have probably broken us otherwise. And these things I speak of are all accountability issues.

Let me preface this by saying that I was not some sort of horrible person before I met Josh. As a friend, I am the same... fun-loving, outgoing, caring (sometimes to a fault), and compassionate. I love people so much and am fascinated by how different we all are and love getting to know people better. But the trouble with this is that not only do I attach myself to the good ones, but I also attach myself to the "bad" ones. I put bad in quotations because I do not think people are inherently bad, but there are some who influence others in not-so-great ways, myself included. Because I love people, I also crave acceptance- I love to be liked, and to be popular if possible. With that desire being bigger than any set of standards I had set for myself and who I want to be as a person, it's very easy to make decisions that are not in your best interest... just to be cool. To be liked. A person (like me) often does things to impress whatever crowd they're running with at the time, whether good or bad. You see this with Olympians- they are all great because they surround themselves with greatness. On the other hand, a drug addict never set out to become one, but because they more than likely surrounded themselves with other drug addicts, they eventually end up running that same course, too. It's all about your circle of influence.

Before meeting Josh, I really thought that once you became someone's friend, it was almost your responsibility to always be that person's friend. But as he began to point out to me, some relationships do more harm than good, so why would I want to keep them in my life?  Uhhhh... I had no answer. Through our engagement, he encouraged me to evaluate all of the people in my life and try and sort out who it was that made my life better, who shared the same values, and who built me up to be a better person, rather than dragged me down.  Often people think that they are going to be the friend that changes a person for the better, perhaps helping them turn away from a bad habit or a bad relationship or even lead a non-believer to Christ. While in some cases this is true, more often than not the opposite happens. A person has to be willing and open to change before you can change them. But even more so than that, you need to remember that YOU can't change anyone, only Christ can do that. Severing ties is one of the most difficult things a person can be faced with, particularly if you inherently care deeply for the other person. But if a "friend" or past relationship is continuously tearing you down or bringing you pain, it's time to evaluate whether or not you will be a path to that person's heart change. And if not, it's time to move on.

There are still people in my life that probably question my decision to turn my back on some people from my past, shutting them out completely. In the world of social media overload, it's common for us to keep connected with everyone, good or bad: ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and even people who have betrayed us somehow still continue to be our Facebook friends. And for what? As Josh once asked me, do you think he/she really cares how you're doing these days? Curiosity is one thing, but caring is completely different. How I'm doing probably has nothing to do with a person from my past's happiness... that thought alone was just a bit egotistical of me. Like I said, it's not easy and the decision will probably be questioned, but in Josh I saw light and a future. I saw a man who would teach me the right ways to live according to the living Word. And without knowing it at the time, I must have had a glimpse of a future filled with freedom from those past decisions that brought me guilt or shame, often derived by unhealthy relationships with people who weighed me down or led me astray. Is my husband perfect? Of course not, nor does he claim to be. In fact, there are days that he drives me completely nuts and we still disagree on things from time to time. But at the end of the day, moving forward with him and making our marriage and friendship as strong as possible is far more important than the road I traveled down to get here. 

I hope you find this encouraging if you're facing any similar situations. I pulled few verses that helped me through a lot of this to share with you as well:

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." (Matthew 7:6)

"If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea." (Matthew 18:6)

"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" (John 14:6)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

***

As for next week, I don't even know what the topic is because it's Brittany's turn to pick!  Keep an eye out for her post sometime soon and it will be at the bottom.  And as soon as I find out what it is, I'll share it in a new post, too!  I hope my words are encouraging to you, especially if you find yourself in this situation. Just remember that no matter what, you are loved. Have a fantastic weekend!

With this ring...

It has been three short years since Josh and I tied the knot... can you believe that?  It truly feels like ten, and I mean that in a very good year.  These have been three of the most fun, exciting, adventurous, intense, rewarding, non-stop, busy, fulfilling, and incredible years of my life and I cannot imagine living it with anyone else.  Three years, two children, three states, two successful church plants- some people don't even do that in a lifetime!  I feel so blessed by all of it.

I can still remember the excitement I felt when Josh first put that ring on my finger... you know... "the" ring.  He proposed on an ordinary Thursday night because he told me that he could not wait to spend the rest of his ordinary days with me.  As sweet as the sentiment was, I can honestly say that our days have been anything but ordinary.  What we've seen, done, and experienced in those days since we got engaged and married is enough to fill a book.  But that day was the start of it, and that ring was a symbol of things to come.

I remember how at first I could not stop looking at it.  I would love when people would ask me to show it off or hear the story.  The lighting in our church at the time was incredible for making that ring sparkle, so I can honestly say I heard very little of the messages since I was too busy admiring my bling.  But three years later... it's just a part of me.

This ring represents so much more than just an eternal commitment to the man I love.  It now carries a few years of great memories with it, and countless stories through our ups and (very few) downs.  Although I'm pretty good at getting it cleaned up every six months, it is a bit more dull in places and on any given day may have remnants of play-dough in the prongs.  Those added extras are simply reminders of the fact that my hands have gotten dirty as we've planted a church together... we rolled up our sleeves and put in the work side-by-side as partners.  I have also worn it as I literally played in the dirt with our rambunctious two-year-old and dunked my hands in soapy water to bathe our babies.  And it the very few times that I have taken off for one reason or another, there is a definite absence that I can feel and do not enjoy.  My left ring finger is not right when it's bare.  It is meant to carry that symbol... of our love, our vows... but mostly our story.

I hope that I can someday pass down these rings to a child or a grandchild, either for themselves or for a an intended spouse.  By that point I also hope that they are even more "broken in" and have a few more dings and dents in them, because that would be the result of a few more decades of this life with my love.  We never know how much time we have on this earth, but I am thankful for each and every one that I spend with him.  My life is so much better with him in it and I am such a better version of myself than I've ever been.

So Josh, thank you for these past few years.  Thank you for your encouragement and constant reminder that I can do anything and be anything that I want as long as I put in the work.  Thank you for loving me and our kids unconditionally and for showing us every day.  Thank you for working harder than any person I've ever met to make sure our present and future is the best it can be.  But most of all, thank you for picking me.  Thank you for asking me.  And thank you for letting me wear this ring everyday.  It just keeps getting better and better and I look forward to what is to come.

Forever and ever...

Ultimate Wedding Week: The Reception

It's day 5 of the Ultimate Wedding Week series and today is all about the reception!  What better way to celebrate a great union than a fabulous party, right?  We were fortunate enough to have our wedding and reception at the same location (which I would highly recommend) so our guests headed over to the cocktail hour while the bridal party finished up the photos.  The only downside of this was that I do not have any pictures of the cocktail hour... oh well.  But when we finished our photos, we had drinks and hors d'ouevres waiting for us in a separate room so we could snack for a minute (as well as freshen up) before making our grand entrance:

I can't remember what music we walked in to, but I did love how all of the groomsmen sported their aviators, which were part of the grooms' gifts.

Next up?  The first dance and father-daughter dance.  The first picture of Josh and me might be my favorite from the whole day.  We danced to "Everything" by Michael Buble and my dad and I danced to "You Make Lovin' Fun" by Fleetwood Mac, which was "our song" when I was little.  I called it the "Miracle Song."  I picked upbeat songs for both so that I wouldn't spend the whole time crying... and it worked!

Yes, my dad can break it down.  He is probably the best dancer in our family and we all love taking a spin on the floor with him.  Good times.

After that we all sat down and ate dinner.  For those of you who have been told that the bride and groom never get to eat at their own wedding, I have news for you... it's your day, so enjoy it!  You bought dinner for 120 (or however many) of your closest friends, so I think that entitles you to a bite to eat, too.  Our event manager hooked us up and made sure that we had our own server, which was fantastic.  She waited on only us, played a bit of interference while we grabbed a bite, and even found some more pigs-in-a-blanket in the kitchen since Josh missed them during cocktail hour.  Yes, my husband is classy like that.  He was also the only one who got "hot bacon dressing" on his salad.  We opted to have both beef and chicken on every plate so that we would not have to track who ordered what, and the food was incredible.  I don't have a picture of the plate, but we also had purple potatoes, which I did not know existed until our tasting.  I'm not a big potato fan, but made an exception since they were special.  After dinner we had a series of toasts from Josh's best man Merritt, my matron of honor (and sister) Angie, Josh's dad, and my dad.  We laughed more than we cried, but my dad definitely had me tearing up at one point.

And then... well... things got a little crazy.  You see, I was "that bride" that forced my bridal party to learn a choreographed routine.  Yep... it was a medley of all different songs to kick off the party.  We all walked out there as if we were going to do a slow dance and then the music changed and we were off to the races.  The funniest part, however, is that I totally blanked on everything, so the video footage is quite embarrassing!  We ended with a conga line, picking up people as we went along to get them out on the dance floor whether they liked it or not:

Somewhere in the midst of it all, we did find some time to mingle with our guests and take some great photos.  Our photographer did an amazing job of following us around and making sure he got pictures of everyone!  His picture of us, my sisters, and their husbands is still my favorite picture of all six of us that we've ever taken.

And of course there was cake!  We agreed ahead of time to be kind to one another when feeding the cake, and surprisingly we both stuck to it!  As a funny side note (and a recommendation) we opted to not freeze our cake top.  The hotel was kind enough to box it up for us, which is what we wanted, and the two of us took it with us to our room.  Late night dessert?  Yes, please!  

And last but not least, we did the traditional garter and bouquet toss.  My nephew, Kevin, caught the garter, so needless to say, we did not do anything embarrassing to the couple that ended up with those items.  I always feel so bad for those people when they have to dance or take a picture!

The evening ended much too quickly and we made our rounds to say goodnight to everyone and thank them for being there.  We stayed the first night in a suite at the hotel, so thankfully we only had a short walk and then a golf cart was waiting to whisk us away.

I really would not change much at all about our reception... it was so much fun?  But if I did have any advice for future brides it would be to make sure the room is dark and cool for dancing.  We had to ask to have the air turned up and the lights turned down to get that floor hopping!  Also, be aware of where your DJ will set up the speakers.  We had our parents and grandparents at what we thought would be the best table (location-wise) and they were blasted out with loud music all night.  Whoops!  Of course they didn't mind, but they probably couldn't hear the next day either.  Lastly, don't be afraid of "group dances" such as the Cuban Shuffle, Cha Cha slide, etc.  I had originally requested that our DJ not play any of them since they can be kind of cheesy.  Someone eventually requested one and it slipped through the cracks.  Then, miraculously, everyone was out on the floor.  Who knew?  Oh, and make sure that "Rocky Top" is on your must-play list, too.  Okay, so maybe that's not for everyone, but fun alma mater songs and stuff like that is great to incorporate.  

What a great night... stay tuned for Friday when I will highlight the details of the day- everything from flowers, to the dress, to the programs, etc.  And make sure you link up you wedding post today with Natasha over at Hello! Happiness.  That impressive gal still managed to do this after having a baby girl on St. Patty's Day!

And finally, don't forget about our weekly "Reflections" link up tomorrow. Brittany picked the topic and it's James chapter 1.  Can't wait to read your thoughts!