Reflections - Testimony

Brittany chose a doozy of a topic this week... mainly because I could literally write for days about my testimony (so get comfortable... this could be loooooong!).  Testimony.  That word used to freak me out a bit.  I didn't get it.  I was a perfectly nice person who went to church every Sunday (well, most Sundays anyway), did my obligatory hour, recited the prayers, and then went about my business without any real change.  The people with a "testimony" to share were weird.  To say you were "saved" made you completely nuts.  And heaven forbid you'd ever walk into a church and raise your hands during worship.  That, my friends, would make you a total lunatic.  This was nothing that was ever taught or impressed upon me... these were all things that I came up with on my own because of my traditional religious background.  But that's all I knew... religion.  I knew how to be Methodist, Protestant, or Presbyterian, but I had no idea what it truly meant to be a Christian.

The word Christian, in essence, means "little Christ."  In order to truly put ourselves into that category, we actually need to know who Christ was, what He did, what that meant, and then live out His teachings.  And it doesn't stop there.  We have a responsibility beyond that to tell others about Him, His love, and His great commission: love God, love People, Repeat.  That's Josh's simplistic way to explain the great commission, but really that was all there was to it.  So yes, I grew up sitting in a pew, I knew right from wrong, I had a family with great morals and values, and yet, I had no clue what it meant to love God and love people.  My actions outside of that Sunday morning service were far from pleasing to God and if anything, I was always just trying to please my current group of friends or current cute boy... I loved to be popular.  Sure, people like people-pleasers because they cater to them, but they also compromise who they are for them.  It wasn't until my late twenties that I decided to live my life to please God rather than please whomever I was trying to impress at the moment.  And I have since learned that pleasing God is so freeing and sooo much more rewarding.

It is my theory that just about every Christian has an "Aha!" moment- that moment (or season of life) when we finally stop thinking about ourselves and truly surrender to what God has for us.  I say "surrender" instead of "understand" because I know that we will never fully understand Him.  But at some point, there is a stirring within- a time when you know that there is more to this life than just yourself and what you want, and finally a God-sized light bulb goes off inside.  For some, this happens at a very young age, and I hope and pray that my kids fall into this category.  The funny thing is, I grew up knowing that God existed.  I knew about Jesus.  I knew the stories... but that's all it was: knowledge.  Stories.  Nothing that applied to my life.  I can even distinctly remember moments throughout my adolescence when I felt God's presence... generally when I had hit some sort of "rock bottom" and cried out to Him.  He was only God when I needed Him, but not a God who helped guide me everyday.

I attribute my introduction to true Christianity to my husband.  I often joke that God knew the only way He'd get me in church every Sunday was to have me marry a pastor, so that's what He did.  And it's probably true.  Josh was a youth minister when I met him, and I actually tried not to like him for that reason.  There was no way I was "good" enough to date someone in ministry.  I had so many mistakes in my past, and since he was a pastor, I was fairly certain that he was squeaky clean and deserved a "perfect" woman, as if that's even possible.  But sin is all equal in God's eyes, and even though our sins were very different, they still kept us both out of that "perfect" category.  The difference, however, was that Josh did not let me just stay where I was at, but challenged me every day to be better.  I had spent years making some pretty terrible decisions, but would then put on my nice church clothes and pretend that I was "perfect" and had it all together.  I knew it was sin and I knew it was wrong, and I lived with constant guilt and shame.  I'm going to stop here a moment and let you know that if you feel this way in your life right now (or ever), please know that these emotions are not from God.  The Bible says that every good and perfect gift is from God (James 1:17) so anything that makes us feel less of ourselves, of who He created us to be, is not from Him.  I could go into a whole bit about spiritual warfare, good vs. evil, etc., but I'll save that for another day.  The point is, I was repeating the same patterns over and over again, that vicious cycle of guilt, shame, and pretending I had it all together, until Josh called my bluff.  He saw right through me and cared about me too much to let me continue.  He gave me scripture verses that completely called me on the carpet and convicted me down to the core.  Let me just tell you that our courtship was rough at times because of these moments.  I did not like being told that I had been wrong all along.  I did not like having someone point out that I had no clue that I was truly lost.  But because I'm stubborn and love to be right, I investigated what he was saying.  I began reading the letters in the new testament on my own, finding verses that so blatantly called out my behavior that it shook me to my core.  Someday I may do a blog series on some of these verses, mainly because I know for a fact that they'll be used over and over and over again in my parenting.  My kids will learn them early and hopefully they'll stick.  I grew up with the ten commandments, which seem pretty easy to follow for the most part, but like it or not they'll be growing up with verses about guarding their tongues, telling the truth, staying pure, surrounding yourself with the right people, etc.  I literally had about a six-month-long rude awakening.  And then I read the Gospel accounts, maybe for the first time all the way through, and "AHA!"- I finally got it.  It wasn't until I truly understood how filthy and broken I was that I could appreciated that Christ died for me.  He died.  Brutally... for stupid me.  And for you... no matter how "perfect" or sin-filled you've been.  Can I just get a collectively huge WOW right now?  Even as I type this, I am baffled. 

It was after this moment that I truly fell in love with God.  My love affair with Jesus and His sacrifice began and has been burning strong ever since.  I used to think people who listened to Christian music in their cars were fanatics, but that's who I am now.  And to publicly blog about things like this?  Those people probably should've been committed.  And here I am.  I know what life is like without God because I've been there.  It ain't pretty, friends, and it sure doesn't feel good.  So now that He's my center, I don't mind being categorized as a "Jesus-freak" or a "fanatic."  In fact, I'll now take it as a compliment.  Because honestly, I like people too much to keep this news to myself.  I care about others too much to let them stay where they are.  I thank God multiple times a day for sending me a man who challenges me to do more for God everyday.  And I hope and pray that I can be that person for others.  I know that I have a long way to go and so much more to learn, but thank God that I'm not who I used to be.

As always, Brittany shared her account over at her blog (found here), and if you decide to share your story on your blog, please link it below.  I know it's hard to step out this way and it's out of the comfort zone for most people.  But know that your story can be a blessing to others if you do decide to share... and don't forget to check out next week's topic after the link-up.

So for next Thursday you have a little bit of homework.  A couple of weeks ago was the annual conference for the Association of Related Churches (ARC), which is the organization that we plant under.  Sadly, I did not get to go (and Brittany did- yes, I was totally jealous!), but watched most of the sessions live online, which was pretty cool.  One of the messages was probably the most favorite sermon I have ever heard in my life.  It fired me up and I was practically jumping up and down in my living room with nobody to process it with.  I encourage you to take 30 minutes out of your week this week and watch it, chew on it, and tell us how it speaks to you.  It's probably a message like nothing you've ever heard, so keep an open mind and really listen to what he has to say.  I hope it messes you up (in a good way) like it did for me.  You can find the message online here... all of them are great (and worth watching) but the one for next week is by Stovall Weems:

http://www.allaccessconference.com/conference-media/

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!  And as always, thanks for letting us share our hearts.

Easter Post Addendum...

I forgot to include this year's best Easter egg hiding spot (drumroll, please)...

Sadly your eyes are not deceiving you.  That, my friends, is part of our Christmas tree.  And that, my friends, shows that we "might be a redneck."

Overexposure

A couple of weeks before Jake's arrival in 2010, my husband and I had a conversation about how we would handle posting pictures and information about our upcoming arrival on the Internet.  I was a bit nervous, having heard horror stories about the dangers of posting things on the Internet and then of course blowing them out of proportion in my brain.  We never really settled on anything and when Jake made his debut, he was everywhere.  And still is... we just couldn't help ourselves or bear to keep his precious face to ourselves.  And then Lilly came along and without a second thought we did it all over again, posting endless amounts of pictures and videos.  It just seemed like the right thing to do.

As I look back on that first (and only) discussion, I realize that as a mother my fears were certainly justified.  Bad things happen to good people, and as a mom, it's our job to worry about our kids.  It's natural.  But I also now understand that with just as much bad that can come from sharing your life with others, there is ten times more good.  When you have a baby, people come out of the woodwork to congratulate you and share the joy.  So many friends wish my children happy birthday or comment about how much they've grown, even if they've never actually met them.  And even though we've moved away from Small Town, Illinois, I love that we still have "family" there that know our sweet Lilly even though they've never actually seen her in person.  As much as I love peeking in on the lives of total strangers (particularly other moms in this season of life) and seeing their cute kiddos, I hope that my kids bring joy to the faces of total strangers, too.

So what about the danger?  Well, while I will always be mildly concerned, I do not let that stop me from sharing.  Particularly because I know that if something terrible were to happen to my family, whether that be to me, my husband, my kids, etc., that we would have more support and love poured out than we would know what to do with it.  Granted, I don't want to have to experience that, but I know that it's true.  By putting myself out there, I think we get so much more in return.  Plus, I have seen it with my own eyes.

Remember how I posted last fall about my friend Meg needing prayers?  Well, she and her husband put themselves way out there and rather than updating their blog, they created a Facebook page to keep people informed about their baby's fight with heart problems.  Today this tiny little guy has over 3,000 fans.  Little Tyson has flatlined on more than one occasion, but since my last post he has undergone his second surgery, was home just in time for Christmas, and has been home ever since aside from a couple of nights for different procedures.  But by putting themselves out there, "exposing" themselves if you will, they have been covered up with love, flooded with prayer, and complete and total strangers have supported them to the point that they have yet to pay a single hospital bill!  Can you believe that?  Not to mention that tough little Tyson has stolen the hearts of many, including mine.  Prayer works... and I think Meg's beautiful family can attest to that.  His journey is far from over and they have a rough road ahead, so if you've followed their story at all, please continue to send love and prayer their way.

I don't really know where this post is coming from today, but it's been on my heart as of late.  I feel like every time we we turn on the news we are inundated with the bad.  It seems like that's all that ever gets reported and is probably why I hardly ever watch it.  But if we look elsewhere we are reminded that people in this world are oh-so-good and oh-so-loving.  I think deep down we all want to see others have it all, find love, success, and happiness.  In my case I want to take the blessings that God has given me and pour them out to others in whatever way that we can.  Three years ago my blog started out as just a way to keep our friends and family up-to-date on our lives since we moved far away from everyone.  Over the years it has evolved a bit, included snippets of our journey as church planters, and recently started getting a bit deeper into faith-based issues.  I think it's my way of trying to contribute to the good.  I think it's my way of trying to show love and happiness to those who read this, whether they know me or not.  Because the world can use as much good as we can find, and to me, good is from God.  If I can introduce Him to someone who reads this, even if it's just one person, than that is the biggest way to show love that I can think of.  At one point I wanted followers for the sake of seeing that number jump up.  But now?  I want more than that.  I just want to encourage, lift up, and spread a little sunshine to anyone who stops by.  I hope that's what I've done for you today.  I hope that's what I can continue to do for those of you who allow me to "expose" my life and share it here.  I think that's why I love blogging... bloggers are really some of the nicest people I've never met.  Isn't that so true?

Besides, how could I ever keep these two adorable faces to myself?  That just wouldn't be fair.

Perfect weekend... and mostly pictures

What a weekend!  In the history of all weekends, this one was truly perfect.  I took Friday off, and is it just me, or does one extra day in a weekend make it feel so much longer?  This should be the standard.

Being Easter weekend, I already knew it would be packed with special activities and it was truly the first Easter that Jake could somewhat participate in the traditions.  So what did we do?  Well... we dyed eggs of course, but Jake mostly dyed himself.  We took a trip to Toys 'R Us and bought Jake a new train table, which was a belated birthday-slash-Easter gift.  Let me tell you, it has already been worth every penny.  Josh and I had a date-night-in and watched "We Bought a Zoo," which is a great flick if you haven't seen it.  Plus, it did such a great job of paralleling all of the feelings and emotions we went through during the church-planting process.  We attended a good friend's baby's naming ceremony, which is a Jewish custom, and felt privileged to be a part of that special day.  I had a hair appointment and went dark again, and although I've been wondering if it's too dark ever since, a couple hours alone in a chair with a magazine was heavenly.  And then yesterday we had a tremendously joyful Easter service at TurningPoint (He is risen!) and saw lots of new faces.  I cannot explain what it feels like to see your husband's dream in a tangible, real way and I cannot put into words how proud I am of all that he's done to see this thing come alive.  We had about thirty people turn their lives over to God yesterday, so I know there was some celebrating going on in heaven!  Later that afternoon we had lots of family and friends over for an egg hunt and really good eats.   Plus, the kiddos looked so cute dressed in their Easter outfits, although Jake ran around most of the day shirtless due to the copious amounts of watermelon he dripped down the front of himself consumed.  Aside from Easter, it really did not entail much out of the ordinary, but the kids were easy, Josh and I had some quality time together as a couple, we hung out with family, and celebrated what it means to be a Christian.  Sometimes is really is that simple.

And for those of you Pinterest addicts, check out the fabulous treats that one of our moms made for our kids' ministry... I had seen resurrection cookies and rolls before, but never the tomb!  Just awesome:

I wish I had a better picture, but I'm sure you get the idea.  Which brings me to this...

The tomb is empty.  Victory is ours.  God sent His one and only son to be beaten until He was unrecognizable, killed in the worst form of corporal punishment this world has ever seen, and mocked by many.  Why?  For me.  For you.  For all of us undeserving, average, everyday folks.  He took the punishment for our sinful ways so that we'll never have to.  I have my own son and can guarantee that there is no way I'd be willing to make the same sacrifice if given the choice... which makes me even more in awe and grateful to God.  Now I choose to live for Him, hoping that His son can be seen through my words and actions.

I hope that you found the peace and joy that Easter brings.  I hope that you know the story, and if you don't that you'll ask someone to share it with you.  But most of all, I hope that you know that you are loved by Him, no matter where you've been, what you've done, or what struggles you have in your life right now.  He loves you right where you're at... and that alone is worth celebrating.

Happy belated-Easter, everyone!  I hope this turns out to be a terrific week!

Reflections - Fearless

I am a woman.  I was wired, as all women are, to worry.  I worry about our finances, no matter what our financial situation looks like at the time.  I worry about our kids, that something bad might happen to them and I won't be able to protect them from it.  I worry about the kids who will someday make fun of my kids, and dread the day that someone says something mean to them.  Today I even worried about what would happen when the world runs out of clean water.  What???  Yes, it's ridiculous, which is why this topic is so appealing to me.

What if, for once, we could shed this worry and go after something that scares the daylights out of us?  I have a magnet on my fridge that says"what would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"... what if we truly approached things that way?  We read and read and read that we should put our trust in God and depend fully on Him, and yet, we fall back on this worry that He won't be there for us when we need Him.

Josh told me that he wanted to plant a church long before we ever did.  It was about 5 months before our wedding the first time he shared his dream and his vision.  I totally didn't get it.  I literally thought it sounded like starting a cult, which is funny now since cult rumors often get started when a church is planted.  Needless to say, I shut down the idea.  Then we had our opportunity to move to Small Town, Illinois and plant a satellite campus of a larger church.  Now this I could get in line with.  We often refer to that time as "church planting with training wheels" because even though we did the work to build a launch team, cast vision, and grow and implement leaders and teams, we had the larger church to fall back on in case of failure.  When the church planting conversation came up during this time, I would tell Josh that we were not going to even think about it until we had set our current church up to a sustainable place.  If we were to ever leave on our own, I wanted to be sure that everything we worked so hard to help build would continue to grow and flourish.  It was unfair to them to think about the next step.  And the next time it came up, I told him that we should just pray about the timing, which we did.  I don't think Josh ever expected the day to come that I would say "go" but it did.  It was about a year and a half into our life there and he mentioned that maybe in a year or so we should finally do it.  The desire was burning strong and I could tell.  He lit up like a Christmas tree any time we would even tiptoe around the idea.  About a day later I told him that a year was too long... it was time to get started.  There are a million things that happened between that conversation and the launch of our church last February, but that moment was honestly like setting loose a caged lion.  I just had to hang on tight and hope I could keep up, and I did, surprising even myself.  And now that the launch is behind us, I want to just slow down for awhile...

But God always has different plans, doesn't He?  I came up with this topic this week to hear how you would be fearless in your life.  The funny thing is, even after thinking about it for a week, I am not sure what it means for me.  What I do know is that God keeps putting this word in my path.  Every passage I read in the Bible is about putting your fear aside and putting your trust in God.  And while everything in me wants to just be a bump on a log for a season, I find myself instead saying, "ok God, now what?"  I am still waiting to hear from Him.  Now that I have seen the fruit of the work we're doing through our church plant, I know that He can do great works through little ol' me, and that humbles me to my core.  But it also makes me realize that I'm not done.  He still has work for me to do... and He has a plan that is slowly unraveling.  For me, being fearless is not about starting something new or making a big change in my life.  At this point in my journey, being fearless simply means listening for the next call, because I know it's coming.  And then being open to whatever that may be, even if it scares me.  Being open to what He is calling you to do can be terrifying, and there were moments over this past year that I really thought we had lost our minds.  But now looking back, there was never a moment that I felt like God abandoned us.  He was in it the whole time, so He won't abandon me for whatever comes next.  So God, if you're reading this, I'm ready when you are... just let me know!

If you participated this week, we'd love for you to link up below and you can read Brittany's post here.   Then read on for next week's topic.

Brittany picked a good one this week, and it's a perfect "get to know you" post, too.  She writes:

"With Easter approaching, I thought it would be very special to reflect back on our own journey with Jesus... and share a "blurb"- maybe it's your testimony or it could also be what God is doing in your life right now... there is true power in reflecting back on where we were WITHOUT Jesus and what He has done in each of our lives since then!  We can't wait to hear back from you!"

Until next Thursday...

What I'm Loving Wednesday

Happy hump day!  I have never actually participated in "What I'm Loving Wednesday" but life is good right now so I thought, why not?  So here goes...

1. I'm loving that we're having people over tonight and I am trying out a new jambalaya recipe.  My mom does this, too... apparently we have a lot of optimism about how it will turn out if we're willing to serve it to company before testing it ourselves.  It smells delicious.   I'm also quite proud of the beignets that I've made!  Mmmmm....

2.  I have a sitter who has been coming and watching the kids here at the house while I work.  Can I just go ahead and say on here that she is amazing?  Today she even vacuumed my living room... my house is clean, my kids are happy, and I'm getting my work done.  Love it.

3.  Kroger Marketplace.  If you have one near you, don't walk, RUN to it.  Oh my goodness, it has everything, including Starbucks (at least ours does) so I was able to start my morning pretty early today with a latte and some grocery shopping.

4.  Easter is this weekend and I can't help but be excited about all that it represents.  As a Christian, I do feel like it's a bigger deal than Christmas because celebrating the resurrection and the ultimate sacrifice for our sins is why we believe what we believe.  We're hoping to see a lot of new faces at TurningPoint Church this weekend, so if you know of anyone in the Lexington area looking for a place to spend the holiday, send them our way!

5.  The UK Wildcats winning the National Championship!  Okay, you all know I'm a Tennessee Volunteer through and through, by I am in a family of UK alum, so there's a little bit of love there.  And since my Vols were not even in the running, I figured I might as well cheer for the home team now that we call Lexington home.  Besides, as least it wasn't Alabama... again.  I'm definitely over my husband's team being on top.  He's had his turn and it's time for a change.

There are so many other great things happening right now, but those are just a few to share for today.  I hope that you are all having a lovely week!  I'll be back tomorrow with my weekly "Reflections" post and cannot wait to see what topic the fabulous Brittany comes up with for the following one!

Holy Hills, Batman!

It's official... I am back in the game when it comes to running!  Yep, yours truly has re-entered the world of road racing, and boy does it feel good!  Aside from the Race for the Cure last October, I have not participated in any sort of race since I was pregnant with Jake in 2009.  I ran occasionally after he was born, and then was pregnant again before I knew it.  After Lilly came along, I took my time getting back into it and then kicked it into high gear over the past ten weeks, ramping up my weekly mileage and starting to feel like me again.  When I heard that the Lexington Half Marathon had a four-person relay team option, I thought it might be the perfect way to get my feet wet again.  

There are very few things that I love more in this life than a good race day.  And knowing that the course was through Keeneland (a horse racing track surrounded by gorgeous horse farms and gardens), I knew it would be a beautiful place to run.  But race days are more than that for me.  Some people dislike having to bob and weave their way around runners of different paces, but I had forgotten how much I love that.  It's like a little game to me, and it gives me something to focus on other than the run.  And oh the energy!  There is such an excitement at any race that it's almost palpable and this one was no different.  Whether it's your first race or your 100th, those butterflies and jitters are still there.  But more than anything, my favorite part of any race day is the comradery between all of the participants and the spectators.  Since I was part of a relay team, I had to wait at a checkpoint for about 35 minutes until my partner finished the first leg and handed off our timing wristband.  But while a group of about 40 of us stood there, we got to watch as the first guy zoomed by, literally sprinting.  We all cheered and clapped, proud of this total stranger.  Then two more came by and we shouted words of encouragement.  Maybe the biggest applause came when about the sixth man ran by- get this- pushing a DOUBLE jogging stroller!  Wow.  You are my hero, dude.  And then of course we got to see the first women come by and that set us all off into a frenzy again.  We continued to clap and cheer as the crowd thickened and then I screamed my brains out when I spotted Josh.  That would be him in the pink sleeves.  Because as you know, real men do wear pink.

 

I spent the next few minutes looking for my relay partner and somehow spotted her before I did.  Yeah, we all wore light blue tee-shirts, which did not stand out in a crowd at all.  Something to remedy next year.  I grabbed the wristband and off I went, filled to the brim with bound up energy.  And even though I knew the course was supposed to be hilly, I think I underestimated what that actually meant.  Holy hills, Batman!  This course is... in a word... insane.  When I would get to the top of one hiull, I could see three more ahead of me, laid out like a roller coaster.  The uphills are slow, steady, and brutal.  The downhills are wonderful and frequent, but quickly followed by another trek upward.  I ran my first two miles much too quickly, averaging a 9:10 pace.  By the third mile, I was walking the uphills and running the downhills and flats.  And when I finally handed off the wristband to my sister, Angie, I was pretty sure I was done.  Josh was at the leg 3 checkpoint waiting on me, having had run legs 1 and 2.  One of his relay partners was there, too, so the three of us chatted about our runs and complained about the hills for a few minutes.  Both of us had wanted to use this run as our long training run for the week (he's training for the Nashville full this month and I'm training for the Flying Pig Half in May) so after about ten minutes, we decided to set out, at least to the next checkpoint.  I had heard that my leg was supposed to have been the hilliest, but leg three was no better.  Up and down we went, and one hill in particular went up for what seemed like forever.  Josh and I haven't run together since before Jake was born and we had a blast being out there again.  He high fived everyone on the course, we blasted music from my iPhone, and at the checkpoint for leg 4, we decided to just go to the entire way.  Why the heck not.

This race was perfect for training in a lot of ways.  I'm sure you all have heard of "hitting the wall" in a long run.  Well, I had forgotten what that was like.  And while I didn't go all the way to that dark place on this run, I did stand on the brink of it.  I had the moments where my brain started going from "you can do anything" to "you're never going to finish this."  I'm not entirely sure how, but I shut it off, zeroed in on the finish, and just kept going.  I'm glad I got a taste of that again, just to be reminded of how quickly that mentality can creep up on you.  But even more so, I'm glad that I could shut it off this time at least and finish strong.

Which reminds me what else I love about race day: crossing the finish line.  There is seriously nothing like it in the world.  Running down a chute of people cheering for you, well, is exhilarating to say the least and it felt good to be a runner instead of a spectator again.  And getting a medal doesn't hurt either.  I am a sucker for good bling.

In the end, I ran about nine and a half miles and Josh ran the full distance, but this was just what I needed to gain my confidence back.  I now know that I will be able to finish the full distance in May, even though it probably won't be in record time, which is fine by me.  Over these next few weeks I just need to work on pacing myself, not starting out too fast, and finding a sustainable speed for myself.

If you are looking for a beautiful half marathon to run, this is probably it.  We passed mansions, vineyards, horse-filled pastures, and barns that probably cost more than any house I will ever live in.  If you want a challenging course with plenty of elevation, this would be perfect.  But if you're just looking for a run run with your friends, I'd steer clear or recommend the relay option.  The course is a true loop with no real way to get to the middle without driving on the course, so there isn't much by way of spectators or entertainment.  The water stops were frequent enough, which I appreciated, but aside from the scenery, it's just you, the other runners, and the open road.  I did appreciate the three little girls that sat out on a fence rail and cheered everyone on around mile 10.  They had made signs for their parents obviously, and then another one that just said, "Go Moms!  Go Dads!"  I had to smile at that one.  Oh yeah, another thing I love about a good race day are the little things like that.  And it feels so good to be a part of it again.