Pastor's Wives Uncensored: Week 1

Soooo, last week I told you that I was putting together a little series, compiling some stories from other women who are married to ministry. What I did not realize, however, was that the response from these ladies has been overwhelming!!!! I would send a quick note to ask them to participate and within minutes I'd recieve a resounding "YES!" from them, so I look forward to what these next few weeks (or months... who knows at this rate!) are going to look like.

 

Our guinea-pig of all of this you may remember from our "Reflections" series we did last spring and summer. Brittany and I worked together at our church in Small Town, Illinois, and even though that season ended way-too-soon, our friendship will last a lifetime. She's someone I can call when I feel like we have way too much on our plates and I can't think straight, and I am proud to have her as a prayer partner. And even though 'thou shalt not envy,' I seriously covet her sense of style... not just for her but for her entire family. They look like they come straight out of a magazine spread! She does a weekly recap of the messages at her church over at Daughter...Wife... Mom.... Sis.

But anyway, enough from me since you get me all the time... here are the words from Brittany: uncensored:

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I’m super excited to be sharing this week on Kim’s blog as she opens up a series entitled “Pastor’s Wives Uncensored.”  Kim is a standout wife, momma, and friend!  And I’m super thankful to have her in my life!

My name is Brittany Neal and I’m married to one amazingly, HOT, awesome man named Jon Neal.  We have some seriously CUTE kids, if I do say so myself!  Max is 7, Lyrik is 5, and Jayda is 2.  We are currently serving on staff at LifeChurch in Danville, IL.  My father-in-law is the lead pastor and Jon and I serve alongside of him and my amazing mom-in-law.  THEY ROCK!!!! And we are honored to be serving in God’s house – it is a PRIVILEGE!!!

Normal?  What is normal??  What does a NORMAL pastor and his family’s life look like? This word, normal, seriously makes me CHUCKLE OUT LOUD!!!

According to the dictionary, the definition of normal is:

‘Conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected’

Well, I can assure you…this Pastor’s wife, is FAR FROM NORMAL!!!  (If the photo of our family doesn’t give that away I don’t know what would…ha!) but with us being far from normal, I think we are closer to normal than what you might imagine…does that even make sense? 

Although we have a super crazy, demanding schedule most weeks, who doesn’t?  Jon and I enjoy going out to dinner, our boys love the park and playing sports, and Jayda loves anything DORA at the moment.  The ministry is our life – we live it and breath it!  We don’t know anything different, but that doesn’t make us weird, better than, or holier than thou.  We purpose to keep God at the center of everything that we do and through that we find balance!  And let me just say…we miss it some days!  We run late to school in the morning, our kids embarrass the heck out of us back in kids life at church, Jayda watches WAY TOO MUCH TV on some days (well maybe a few more than some), Jon and I fight about who is watching what on the TV, our boys say bad words occasionally, and the list could go ON AND ON AND ON!!!  I am a Pastor’s wife and this doesn’t make my life any different than the next person!  It may be wrapped differently, but we are all on this journey called life and we are all called!  We are called to grow in Him and we are called to pursue His purpose and plan for our lives! 

So, I’d like to say that we are far from normal and I’m more than okay with that!  I don’t want to be known for “conforming to the standard,” and I don’t want to be known as “typical” or “usual.”  God has called each and every one of us to be set apart and DIFFERENT so that we can bring glory to His name!  I love that when He created us He gave us each something unique and special so that we could transform our worlds.  I’m honored that He chose each of us…we are all chosen and called, we just have to be willing to accept the call!  Trust me, there are days when I question and ask, “why couldn’t I have gotten an easier job,” but does that even exist? 

I say all of that to say, I’m pretty certain normal is simply what you make it!  Purpose to live a life that is constantly in pursuit of God and His plans for your life.  No matter the call, if we are willing…HE WILL USE US!  Ultimately, that is where His Kingdom is advanced and glorified to the fullest!

Pastor's Wives: Uncensored

Intrigued? I've had it on my heart to do a fun little series for awhile, and now that Easter has passed, those of us in ministry families have a little bit more free time. Just like any profession, we have a "busy" season and a "slow" season, although to be honest it's never slow in ministry, and I'm going to take advantage of some freed up time to get this going.

So what's the idea behind the series, you wonder? I'm not sure about you, but growing up in church I don't remember much about the pastor's wife. From what I do remember (or maybe just assumed), she was an older woman who may have played the organ or sung in the church choir, someone who really did not speak out much and was more of a figure standing piously next to her husband. Let's just say that based on these images, I was not excited (and even tried to say "no" to our first date) about possibly marrying into ministry. But instead, what I have found, is that the other wives that I have been surrounded by have been some of the most real, authentic, genuine, and downright cool women that I have ever met, and I am so thankful and honored to be able to call them friends. With this in mind, I thought it might be fun to get into some of their heads and break down some of the stereotypes that people create for us. It's not uncommon for me to hit it off with someone until they find out what my hubby does (and therefore I do) and all of the sudden shut down, more than likely as they mentally try and recall whether or not they have cursed during our conversation. Newsflash: I have heard many curse wods in my life, and in fact, had periods in my life where I used them more than I'd like to admit (gasp!). And while it's a personal choice not to use that language any more, one has been known to slip out when, say, my car begins to hydroplane on a wet road or I bang my knee into the coffee table. It's the things like this, as well as bigger things, that we're gonna go after.

So I hope you enjoy the next few Thursdays as I have some guest bloggers joining me. Leading off with by one of my best friends on the planet, Brittany, who you may remember from the Reflections series we did awhile back. I'll post eventually, too, but thought it might be fun to mix it up for a bit. So tune in next week for week one and a fresh perspective from some great gals who married into ministry. I look forward to reading these and hope you do, too!

Bloom Where You Are Planted

This past weekend was one of my best ever since in the "me-time" sense. Once I got married and especially once we had kids, there have not been many days, particularly consecutive days, that have been all about doing things that I want to do. Don't get me wrong, I would not trade my life now for the world and I love being with my family more than anything else, but gosh it feels good to be a little selfish from time to time, right? So on Friday I headed south to Tennessee, did a little shopping (well, a lot of shopping) sans kiddos, and then headed to Gatlinburg for my best friend's bachelorette weekend (more on that to come later). Then on Sunday morning I woke up not-so-bright and very early (after a late night of course!) and drove back to Lexington in the rain to attend Delta Gamma's Founders Day brunch for the University of Kentucky. I was a DG at Tennessee and was so incredibly honored to be asked to be the alumni speaker at UK's event this year. I can still remember thinking how awesome it would be to speak at one of these someday, but I'm not sure that I ever thought it would actually happen. Fast forward to 2012 and a DG alumni from UK began coming to TurningPoint Church and since the theme of this year's event was "Bloom Where You Are Planted," she thought what better than a church planter to speak on the topic?

 

 

After sharing a bit of our church planting story, I expanded on the topic of not just growing, but truly blooming throughout your life. I firmly believe that we should all be committed to growing constantly, always bettering ourselves and striving to do more good in this world and in our own personal lives, but to bloom is to find true happiness. People who "bloom" have that extra little something- that thing that you can't quite put your finger on, but it's an outpouring of joy from the overflow in his or her own life. A person who blooms is living on purpose, has generally found the thing he or she was made to do and is pursuing it passionately. I'd like to think that I am that way, or at least on my way there, and I shared a few things that I think help a person acheive this. And to break it down even further, I compared it to what an actual plant needs not only to survive and grow, but to truly bloom:

1.  The Seed - What are you trying to grow?

In order to expect flowering results, you need to know what you're growing, as in, what do you want the final product to look like? Essentially, if you were to set goals for what your life would look like in one, five, and ten years, then that would be the plant that you would want to cultivate. Throughout the days of your life, any decisions that would take you off of the path that would get you to this end-result place would not be worth pursuing. For example, a farmer planting corn does not take care of that crop the way he'd take care of a tulip, or he would not produce fruit. And a gardner planting tulips would not tend to them the way he would tend to corn or he would never see those beautiful blooms. You have to know what you're growing to know where you're going.

2.  The Soil - What is surrounding that seed?

We've all heard that there is such thing as "good soil" and "bad soil" for gardnening, and the same is true in this case. For a plant, soil is what surrounds, protects, and nourishes the seed, so for us, the soil is essentially who and what we have surrounding and nourishing us. If we surround ourselves with negative nay-sayers who do not encourage us or challenge us to meet our goals, then chances are we will never accomplish them. Likewise, if we surround ourselves with positive people who lift each other up and motivate one another, it's more likely that we'll find success. Find people who are ambitious, loving, encouraging, and want to help you get where you're going in life. Also, if you meet someone who seems to have what you want in your life, whether it be the career, family, or habits that you would like to see in your future, ask him or her to be a mentor. Mentorship is seriously underrated and underutilized in our culture and chances are that this person could probably give you some great advice on how to get to where you want to be if he or she has already walked that path. As my husband oftens says: show me a picture of your inner circle and I'll show you a picture of your future. Have you ever considered that maybe you need to weed your inner circle?

3.  Water - What are you pouring in?

Everyone knows that a plant needs water to grow, just as our own bodies need nourishment. But not only is taking care of our physical bodies important, which it most certainly is, but being aware of what we're putting into our minds is equally as important. Since graduating college I have pretty much been able to choose what it is that I'm going to study on a day-to-day basis. Sure I can (and have) twiddled away my time by perusing Facebook and celebrity gossip magazines, but at the end of the day I realize that there is really no benefit in it. I may have seen someone's awesome vacation photos, but that still doesn't mean that I got to benefit from that at all and probably just envied it if I was really honest. Or I could use that same amount of time to open up books about being a better wife or parent, a better leader, a better friend, or just to read someone that encourages me. Don't get me wrong... I think there is a time and a place for the "fluff" and I love a good fiction book as much as the next person, but we all need some heartier stuff in our lives to really enrich our minds.

4. Sunlight - Everyone needs a little sunshine!

You will never fully "bloom" to your full potential if you don't believe that you will! If you have a dream for your life, even if it's a big, crazy, scary dream, believe that you can do it! If you know what you're growing and you know what you need to do to get there, don't stop until you accomplish what it is that you set out to do! It won't always be easy, and you should not expect it to be, but being positive and getting back up when life knocks you down is essential to see these things happen. And don't keep that sunshine to yourself... be a friend that is a light to others, reminding them that they can get to where they're going, too. Not only will you spread positive energy, but people want to be around that and will be drawn to you, which certainly helps! Be a person that people want to have around and that company will more likely want to hire you or that person will want to ask you on the date or whatever it may be... it's that extra little something that other people notice.

 

I cannot tell you how much fun it was to share this stuff this past weekend to a room full of 200 young women. I never really pegged myself as one who was a great public speaker (that's my husband's job) but I get it now- when you're passionate about what you're talking about, it gets easier. I tried to say the things that I wish I had been told when I was in college and share that. Now whether or not I would have listened is a different story entirely, but I wanted to let them know that they can get where they're wanting to go as long as they keep a big picture in mind and work toward that. It takes time, it takes work (lots of work), it takes endurance, and it takes a "can do" attitude, but nothing is out of reach if we don't allow it to be. I hope you get a little something out of this, too. So get out there, refocus on what lies ahead, and get after it! In a world full of people just going through the motions, take the steps to ensure that you will bloom where you are planted!

A thousand words...

They say a picture can be worth 1,000 words, but this past weekend at our retreat I challenged the ladies to have a photo just say one. Set loose with a camera and words on a page, the ladies went out (myself included) and captured the true essence of some of God's truth. Rather than telling you about it, I'll let you decide for yourself whether or not they succeeded:

UNITY

"I am in them and they are in me. May they [future believers] experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me."

[John 17:23]

WORSHIP 

"We saw his star as it rose, and we have come to worship him."

[Matthew 2:2]

CREATION

"And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, 

because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation."

[Genesis 2:2]

BEAUTY

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment... Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

[1 Peter 3:3-4]

SALVATION

"He will come again, not to deal with our sins, 

but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him."

[Hebrews 9:28]

HOPE

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit."

[Romans 15:15]

REFLECTION

"As water reflects the face, so one's life reflects the heart."

[Proverbs 27:19]

LOVE

"Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love."

[1 Corinthians 13:13]

WISDOM

"For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it."

[Proverbs 8:11]

PURITY

"Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth!

Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honor you."

[Psalm 86:11]

PRAISE

"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord."

[Psalm 150:6]

SACRIFICE

"This is real love- not that we loved God, 

but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sins."

[1 John 4:10]

THANKSGIVING

"You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, 

and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God."

[2 Corinthians 9:11]

STRENGTH

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

[Proverbs 31:25]

TRUST

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

[Proverbs 3:5]

At the end, each group could also add a photo of a word of their choosing. This one brought tears to my eyes...

HOME

What TurningPoint Church (TPC) feels like to all of these women. Until we enter 

our true, eternal home in heaven, I am humbled to think that I had a part in planting this 

church to be a spiritual home here on earth. The church, after all, is God's house.

I could frame each of these pictures on my wall... and some of them will probably end up there. I think these pictures speak volumes... much more than just 1,000 words... and all of them will be etched into my heart always. Who knew that a simple activity at a retreat could end up meaning so much? It makes me want to create a photo project for people to participate in with me... almost! I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as we enjoyed taking them!